the most HEARTBREAKING text messages i have read … (series 4)

HANKY 31

Too many lies can weaken one’s trust…

Too much betrayal can cause a person to be afraid

And the sad truth is …

Too much pain felt by a loving heart can cause it to freeze

Till it goes numb by the never ending pain…

Until it doesn’t feel any love… anymore. (Sad but true)

HANKY 32

To love someone doesn’t mean to commit with that person.

Sometimes you just have to be satisfied with whatever connection you have with that special one.

HANKY 33

Isn’t it sad when you are so much in love right now,

but you cant freely let it out?

And your so DAMN scared to show it to all cause of one reason?

IT’S COMPLICATED

(gawd, this hits me right on my noggin – AJ)

HANKY 34

Are we really hurt because

we can’t tell the person we love what we really feel?

Or are we hurt because at the back of our minds

we know that telling the object of our affection what we really feel won’t make any difference

(now, I’m starting to cry…- AJ)

HANKY 35

People must try to be sensitive…cause not everyone is strong enough to endure pain.

After all there’s no anesthesia for a broken heart

HANKY 36

What makes us a fool???

When it hurt us to the core seeing the one you love with somebody else,

but still, you keep on staring.

HANKY 37

UNCERTAINTY is the biggest torture in love.

You feel jealous yet you can’t complain.

You can get hurt yet you can’t show it.

You can love with your all yet you cant say it.

All you can do is watch,

keep the pain, enjoy, the smiles, hugs and kisses then show much that person means to you

HANKY 38

The love you cant have….

Last as the longest

Feels the strongest

And hurts the MOST.

HANKY 39

They asked ‘how does it feel to love someone who love someone else?’

After a deep breath, he answered; ‘its like hugging a cactus, the tighter you embrace, the more it hurts’

HANKY 40

We keep on sticking to who we like, that’s why we never notice those who like us.

Sometimes were dying for someone who doesn’t care, while somebody’s already dead trying to please us…

my confession (finale)

Reality bites and it hurts. I never liked a guy for such a long time.  Im head over heels and I may not have seen the stop signs since I do liked him.  Its hard to slowly fall in love with a guy whom I knew I don’t have a future with.  So I prepare a little letter for you so if you stumble upon this blog somehow…  you may no longer remember my face by that time at least I hope you had that ‘a-ha’ moment and say ‘ahhhh… alam ko na

Hey,

First of all, sorry kung kailangan kong isulat sa blog ko yung tunay kong nararamdaman.  Wala naman kasi akong venue na maiparating sa iyo kung ano yung totoong feelings ko though paulit ulit kitang naikwekwento sa mga kaibigan ko sa floor. I bet nagdurugo na rin ang mga tenga ng kaibigan ko dahil sa paulit-ulit kong nababangit ang pangalan mo sa kanila.  And im writing this down kasi its my own way of letting go of a feeling na it wouldn’t flourish at all.  In fact, it would also be beneficial for you kasi na-eliminate ang potential stalker mo in one way or another.

Ganun kalaki ang ‘crush’ ko sa iyo.  Ika nga ‘if you love him, then learn to let go.  Its one way of gauging how much you love him if youre willing to give his freedom even if it will kill you’

Each time na nakikita kita, kinakabahan ako.  Magkahalong kaba at paghanga.  Ewan ko ba pero pilit kong iniwasan na makatitigan kita dahil baka lalo akong main-love.  Kaya nga para matapos ang pagiging lukaret ko, minabuti ko ng umiwas.

Nagpatanggal ako sa mentoring list dahil alam kong ma-aassign ako sa class nyo.  Hindi dahil sa kung anumang bagay na sinabi ko sa mga kaibigan mo.  Charing lang yun.  On the first place, gustong gusto kong makita ka every day.  I even try to look for your station and see if your there. I feel worried pag di kita nakita.  Baka may sakit ka or whatever pero Im relieved pag nalaman kong break mo lang pala.

Im sorry if I have to keep a distance.  A huge distance hanggang sa point na hindi pag pansin sa iyo.  Im sorry pero I have to do it. Or else, I might fall in love with you.

Sorry kung di kita pinapansin or binabawi ko ang tingin ko each time na makakasalubong kita.  Im  sorry kung ayaw man kitang batiin or pansinin.  Hindi dahil sa may ginawa ka sa akin pero im on a process na dapat malimutan ko na ang feelings ko sa iyo. Gusto ko ng makalimutan or ma-settle ang feelings ko sa iyo dahil alam ko masasaktan rin ako sa huli.

Kung ma-misinterpret mo man, ok lang.  I guess…  Kasi mas lalo akong masasaktan kung aasa akong one day ma-reciprocate mo ang feelings ko sayo.

Napakasaya ko last December ng pumayag kang magpakuha ng picture sa akin.  Siguro humugot ako sa beer and red wine just to ask you.  I even asked my friends to help me out.  Thank you ha… ansaya saya ko nun.

But reality needs to set in.  Last February 14, I spend time in front of my mobile thinking if I need to delete your number or not.  I cried when I finally decided to delete your number. It seems that I’m bidding goodbye to a sojourn lover.  I cant breath… but I guess I need to place a period afterall.

So now, im finally moving on.   Napakahirap pero I have to do it.  Again im sorry if I fall in love with you.

Sorry… Leo

my confession (part 3)

One text message received. Alas, the text message I have been waiting for days.

‘Hey… here’s my number …’

Fuck me… he really did texted back. I thought my heart will immediately burst out of excitement.  I just don’t know what to respond and up until this time while I’m writing this post… I don’t know what I have texted back.

What I do remember is the feeling. My heart beats faster.  I think my face were red and warm. I was jumping up and down.  I just cant help it.

Several text were sent back and forth.  Trying to make these nerves at ease since I’m too excited to respond.  I go ga-ga on each text messages.  How ga-ga I am… I stared at my mobile for several minutes waiting for each responses like a teenager waiting for his boyfriends text messages. I just have to quickly respond on each messages and thinking other things to fill in the conversation so I would know him better.  I gushed on every messages as if my feet are lifted off the ground while maintaining my composure without him knowing how much I long for each text messages.

One text struck the most … asking if I knew Haze and Hope?

Two of my fabulous and divine friends in the floor whose beauty surpasses any lads without exerting any effort.

I obliged and responded.  Admit that these fine ladies are my friends.

He then asked for their number?

I stood in silence…. Do I need to give their numbers?  Though I know their digits well hidden in my mobile – I opted not to give it since I firmly believe that phone numbers are somehow private and should not be given to anyone without utter permission  to its owner.  The agony of a cat fight and cat scrathes from these feline friends are some scenarios that spins in this tiny head.  I could recover from agony and the bleeding but it will kill me if ill loose their trust over a phone number.

So I opted to say that ‘I don’t know their phone numbers.’  Yup I lied to my teeth but I stick with what I know.

I told my friends on what happened and they are disgusted.  What a reaction… im still oblivious onto why they have such violent reaction. Im still on cloud 9 but I guess they may have heard something that is obviously unacceptable.  I didn’t knew why until my friend Raven spills reality up in front of my face.  ‘Anu ka ba naman bakla… ginagawa ka niyang phone book.  Magising ka sa katotohanan at huwag kang mangarap…  its hard to chase rainbows.  Baka magkakalyo ka.’

‘But I like him…’

MY CONFESSION (part 2)

On the following day… mentor pa rin ako sa batch nila. I already asked to be removed from the mentoring list by that time kaya nga lang workforce always change their line up after each month.  So my wish were not yet granted kaya kasama pa rin ang name ko sa mentoring class.

Pinalaki naman kasi ako ng mga magulang ko na ‘law abiding citizen’ kaya kahit malakas ang kalabog ng dibdib ko, I have to fulfill my duties.  I tried hard na wag lumapit.  Kahit na may mga questions, siya I asked someone else na tulungan siya.  Kaya kahit yung ibang agents na hindi naman nangngailangan ng tulong eh ako na mismo ang nagtatanong kung may kailangan sila. By that time, i’m ready to move forward at kahit madaganan man ako ng kisame sa kinatatayuan ko ay hinding hindi ako lalapit sa station niya.  Pero talagang mapagbiro ang tadhana, nagkataon yata na yung ibang mentors ay naka-break and ako ang naiwan na nag-mementor.  He do raised his hand and kahit feeling ko ay lalagnatin ako sa hiya ay napilitan akong lumapit.

In fairness, he did asked a question and I politely answered his inquiries.  I stayed with him until he had been able to close the call and serviced the client.  Kundangan rin naman na wala ring nagtatanong na ibang agents kaya im stucked with him.  Until he said ‘thank you’… I was about to leave his station and siguro hindi na rin siguro siya nakatiis, kaya when he had opportunity to explain himself… he grabbed that chance and explains head on.  He said that he kinda lost my phone number dahil ng minsan maglinis ang mother niya ay kasamang naitapon yung tissue na binigay ko sa kanya with number written all over it.  (so I guess someone in smokey mountain may have my number.  And yes…it did last an impression he is not really interested kasi hindi nya aga nasave yung phone number ko ng makuha niya yung cell phone niya.  I feel na parang bigla nyang kinuha ang puso ko at biglang binagsak sa floor plus tinapaktapakan niya…OUCH ANG SAKIT).

I could almost hear my heart beat and said ‘its fine… you don’t need to explain.  Its all in the past.’ I think my voice starts to break… I just cant help being too emotional…

Then the inevitable happens… he asked for my number.

I was hesitant by that time.  Baka patibong lang ng lalaking ito yung pa-sweet sweet niya. It seems my world suddenly stopped and my vision become blurry.  He said … ‘mukhang nagalit ka sa akin dahil di ako naka-respond.  Ang sensitive mo pala…’

‘naku wala yun.  Wala sa akin yun.  Tapos na naman…”

Pero deep inside.. I think im about to faint.  Halos sumabog ang dibdib ko habang sinasabi ko yun dahil iba ang dinidikta ng utak ko sa totoo kong nararamdaman. Parang gustong kumawala ang isang Annabelle Rama mula sa kaibuturan ng aking damdamin.

‘sige na, ill get your number and ill text you right away once I got home’

I just don’t want to give it to him.  I don’t want to feel the things I have felt before.  The insecurities, the denial, the endless tears… My head is spinning and i suddenly need to catch my breath…

I suddenly looked in his eyes… dreamy, full of kindness…

I surrender…

MY CONFESSION (part 1)

Now it can be told. For the past few months, I’ve been cradling this sojourn love for a new guy in work.  I fell in love and break my heart in the ordeal – without him even knowing what my feelings are. (I think…). Anyone who knew me may have squealed and snarled again as this happened before – a constant scenario in my little head, once they read a sentence of this post. (ika nga, di na ako nadala… hayyy)

So forgive me people for I have to write it down.  Writing something about my past feeling gives this little head and foolish heart a sort of signal that ‘it’s alright to let go and everything must come to an end … anyway.’ It’s like placing a ‘period’ in a long paragraph which tells a story of an egg and a chicken ‘which-comes-first’ over and over and over again.

You may want to ask – how did it happen…

I met him at work… he is a new guy from another account and the moment I saw him – I’ve got an instant crush.  I don’t know why since he is not that tall naman and hindi rin naman siya maputi. Hindi rin naman maituturing na hunk kasi di naman gym material ang biceps and triceps nya. In short, very average as my friend said.  Pero there is something in his eyes na hindi ko talaga makalimutan. I have to admit, based on my aesthetic standard, pasado siya sa akin sa charming and good looking division.  His aura is more of sexual for me and I felt that he is this kind of guy na kapag naiwan kami sa kwarto, kahit ihi na lang ang pahinga at buong araw kaming magkulong without anything ay pwedeng pwede. Ika nga ni DJ Alvaro – he looks like ‘maginoo pero medyo bastos.

I believe, ‘Live each day to the fullest – one day at a time.  So what are you waiting for, grab LIFE by the balls’. Basta if I like a guy, I have to show in one way or another and I will take that first step to know him.

What I have done is I asked for his cell phone number thru a girl na kasama niya sa batch.  Its vague kung ano ang mga sumunod na nangyari but I think I was the one who gave my cell phone number which I write down in a piece of tissue na nakuha ko sa station.  Since hindi nya daw dala ng cellphone nya and hindi rin niya memorized ang sim number, he promised that he will text his number once he got home.  On the next day, napuyat ako sa kahihintay ng first text nya sa akin.  Tumagal ng 2 araw hanggang isang linggong paghihintay pero wala akong natangap na text.  Hindi ko na rin siya nakita sa floor and honestly I don’t what happened.

By then, I accepted the fact na he is not interested.  Sad pero I have to move on.

After several months, I saw a familiar face – fresh from months of training.  God, his here. He finished training and he is here to stay. Hindi ko na rin siya pinansin since I fully recovered by that time.  Nailabas ko na rin naman sa cyberspace ang hapdi nang nararamdaman ko kaya settled na ang emotions ko.  Kumbaga, naisigaw ko na ang lahat ng remorse ko sa kalawakan and i’m strong enough to move forward.

Tila nga yata ang tadhana ay mapagbiro. Naging isa ako sa mentor sa batch nila during nesting.  Di ko alam na batch pala niya ang tuturuan ko.  Kahit na malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko, tutal andyan na yan at pare pareho lang naman kaming nagtratrabaho… go lang ako. Though talagang sinubukan kong iwasan ang station nya and avoid eye contact pero hindi ko naman maiiwasan sagutin ang tanong nya na related sa work namin.  Siguro, nahalata niya na iniiwasan ko siya hanggang siya na mismo ang mag tanong...

‘Im sorry… youre AJ right?’

‘yes…  Do you have a question?’

‘Not really…  you were the guy who gave his number to me… ’

‘Yes I’m the same guy.’

Then silence… takes a deep breath then I said ‘its fine.  You don’t have to worry and explain anything. I get it.  I can take rejection and its fine with me. Thanks’

Muntik nang mahulog ang luha ko kaya pinigilan ko na lang and walked away.

4 easy steps guaranteed to make you SMILE!

Rejected by the guys whom you thought you’ll say ‘forever’ or he abandons you in the middle of nowhere without a word.

Maybe, you don’t like what you see in the mirror and seems that no one even finds you charming.

Better yet, you gave up because no one finds you attractive!!

Well… im no expert but everything i have described are the one i feel… today.

but there is yearning voice at the back of my head YELLING ‘SNAP OUT OF IT…MORON”. And we come to realize that listening would’nt hurt a bit but rather help us in finding ourselves once again.  Finally, another lightbulb moment: We fail to be happy cause we are not satisfied with what we have.

So here are a few satisfaction guidelines that i could you share and i hope that will help you as well:

do not hold on to something that would never be yours


do not fight for someone not worth fighting for


do not cry for something lost, gone and inevitable




appreciate what you have and be thankful for whatever things people give you

happiness is a mere conduct of the mind. Everyone can be happy as long as they really want too.

I want to be HAPPY and I WILL….

the Art of Letting Go (part 5)

MANTRA 41: when you hold someone, hold them like it’s the last time you’ll ever see them and when they go… don’t make reasons for them to stay… make reasons for them to return

MANTRA 42: In your life, you’ll take note of a lot of people.

One’s with whom you shared something special, will always mean something.  There’s the one you 1^st kissed, the one you first loved, the one who 1^st broke your heart, the one you’ll put on pedestal, the one your with right now and the who got away.

That person with whom everything was perfect but timing was just wrong.  No fault in the person, no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just don’t fall the right way

MANTRA 43: the sand thought me ONE THING “you cant hold on too many things, no matter what you do to make them stay, and no matter how much they want to stay, the wind will always blow them away”

so learn to let go and choose carefully which you want to stay, because like the sand, ‘only’ those which are in the center of your palm will last…

MANTRA 44: whats the difference between MOVED ON and I FORGOT YOU ALREADY.. wanna know?

When you say I FORGOT YOU ALREADY, you totally accept the fact that the person you call mine is not yours anymore.

But when you say I moved on, you just realized that its over but the feeling is still there.  Youre just ignoring it….

MANTRA 45: All suffering is caused by being in the wrong place.  If your unhappy where you are …

MOVE

MANTRA 46: Do you know that the heart has no pain receptors?  So the next time someone breaks your heart, move on.  Your pain is just an illusion.  A temporary psychological disturbance that you have to overcome

MANTRA 47:

No one ever gets tired of loving,

‘but everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry and hurting.

So snap out of it and learn to let go

MANTRA 48:

You should not be sorry bout love.

Rather it should make you wonder that if you were once happy with the wrong one, how much more when the right one comes.

MANTRA 49: Ang pinakamahirap na parte ng paglayo sa taong di ka kayang mahalin, ay ang … bonggang bongang katotohanang di ka niya hahabulin

MANTRA 50:

if theres one thing ive learned from falling in LOVE

its to stand up no matter how painful the cuts;

to fight for what I believe in and to wait.

Because even if I think now is the right time to give extra effort – waiting is even worth it

The Art of Letting Go – (cartoon edition)

Cartoons are not just your average children’s past time… it gives a distinctive lesson when times get tough and the only thing left to say is ‘goodbye’.  But the mere fact of letting thy parting words depart on thy sweet lips takes a lot of guts and courage and you need ‘someone’ to hold on to draw the power seems to be impossible, i would recommend that you get your nephews cartoon collection and swing those DVD’s to your player and drown yourself with their animated world.

Yup, because beyond the entertainment value it may give you to lighten thy burden, it imparts valuable lessons as well.  Read the quotes below and may you garner the strength to move on.

No matter how we try to be mature…

we will always be a kid when we all get hurt and cry

– Peter Pan

so shed thy tears.  Its OK! Even if your a guy.

It would ease up the burden and it wouldnt cause a penny to your manhood

Paano ba namamatay ang tao?

Pag binaril ba siya?

Pag nilason?

Pag hindi na humihinga?

Sabi sa ONE PIECE ANIME

Namamatay lang ang tao

Pag wala na siya sa puso at isipan ng iba.

Were so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us

that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are – Calvin and Hobbes

Some things aren’t meant to be kept forever.

You know you have to stop and let go when things aren’t going right and everything you did is unappreciated…

Remember what batman says?

Its wiser to be alone but happy…

than with somebody who does nothing while your doing everything

The Art of Letting Go (special post)

Yahoo.com posted and written by SkyCaster (Oct 6, 2009) which i felt its meant to be re-posted for my dear readers of  “the Art of Letting Go’ series… read on

Breakup Recovery 101: Five Rules You Must Follow!

Whether or not you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt. And they can be really hard to get over. If you listen to the wise words of Charlotte on Sex and the City, it takes half the time you were together to get over him. Here are a few more wise words to help make your next breakup a little easier.

Don’t Talk to Him

The most crucial rule in breaking up is to not talk to the person you’re breaking up with. Even if you think you can handle it and still get over the person, you can’t. Don’t kid yourself; feelings will get hurt. Take some time off, get over him, and maybe someday in the future you’ll be friends. Until then, lick your wounds and recover any way you’d like; whether that be partying hard, staying in bed for days with pints of ice cream, or spending absurd amounts of money on clothes you don’t need. No one will say a thing; we all heal in our own, weird ways.

Snap Out of It

Remember how things, like stupid songs and movies and that little spot in the park that you two went to on your first date used to be “yours”? Well, they’re not anymore. Don’t make a connection to platonic objects when there isn’t one. Remind yourself that you like that spot in the park because of the good view, not because of anyone connected to it. There’s no point losing more than you have to from a breakup, so don’t get all sappy on yourself.

Reconnect with Your Friends

No matter how much you say you’re not going to be that girl who gives up her friends for her boyfriend; everyone gives up a little of their time to spend with their guy. Well, now is the time to make it up to them (and, you could use the girl talk). So, go out and have fun; grab your best wing woman, and remember how much fun being single really is.

Take Some Time For Yourself

Amidst all of this trying not to talk to him, hanging out with friends, partying more and/or eating lots and lots of ice cream-you need to remember to sit back and actually work through your feelings. Understand why things went south, and why you’re better off this way. And in no time you’ll be back to your old self, and what’s-his-name will be a thing of the past.

It’s All About Rewards

And finally, do all of the little things that make you happy every day. Yep, being single means thinking about you, you, you. So, go and take that extra time after work and buy yourself that little ring you’ve been obsessing over. Or take a long walk and meet a friend for cupcakes because well, you can. Have fun spoiling yourself, because you deserve it after….wait, what? I’m forgetting already.

a battered wife’s dilemma

” you guys are lucky for being single me myself… i don’t know i am so messed up i got three kids I’m 22 married to a 36 year old who doesn’t have a stable job who hurts me whenever i don’t follow what he tells me or whenever i do or say something that would insult or hurt him. To think he has so little money but he still gets to have other women. he sleeps with her once a week the woman is a doctor, maybe you guys are wondering why I’m still with him… cause I’m still hoping it will still work out”

The above statement was posted by one of our dear readers from ‘the art of letting go series’.  I can’t help but wonder ‘… for love is like an ocean, its mysteries cannot be revealed nor explained in once lifetime.’

First, I would like to thank you for giving this blog an opportunity to listen to thy current predicament and I hope other readers would also have an opportunity to share their own stories.

I know you have all the right reasons why you are still staying with the relationship and I don’t place fingers on it since your shoes are hard to fill in.  But let me provide tell the story of my own sister which is almost the same as yours.

My sister married a guy 10 years younger than her.  Though I and my parents felt it’s a whirlwind romance, we somehow accepted the fact that she chooses this guy because she is madly in love with and bearing their first child out from wedlock.  My neighbors say that he is a catch since he is young and good looking.  But they don’t know who he really is when he takes off his mask.

Yup…you may almost smell how I despised my sister’s husband.  He is lazy and all of his earning from being a cab driver was solely used by him.  He doesn’t even give any money to my sister though they have four kids.  They are practically living in our home and he doesn’t respect my parents and my sister.

My father nagged my sister to reach out for some ‘self worth’ but she ignored everything what he say, until my brother in law dragged my sister to Davao to establish their own.  A year after, she’s back with her children.  We though that she had finally came back to her senses but we are wrong… she is still carrying an excess baggage.

Till time had passed by, their relationship has gone from bad to worst.  My brother in law does not even share anything from the bills that I pay – from rent, food, electricity etc.  He only gives a sum of money to my sister which cannot last for a week.  Just imagine giving her Php 500.00 for a month’s expense.  How do you think his family will eat with that sum of money with four children to boot?  PLUS, he even has a mistress and has the nerve to bring him at home when i’m not around.  On top of that, he even hurts my sister when she disapproves or asked for extra money.

I have a hint that everything was happening inside our home but my sister kept on denying it.  She always had a lame excuse why she has a large black eye or a fresh wound off from her shoulders.

Until all hell breaks loose when I found out from my cousin that she has seen on her own eyes how miserable my sister is whenever I’m away.  She gave me the full story blow by blow – how she and my nieces skip their meals, how he beats her up and the so called mistress.

I and my sister have had a heart to heart talk…. I ask why he is sticking with the devil.  He said that she is waiting if his husband could still change.

I went berserk!!!   How long will she wait?  Horses will never wear stripes and even if chucks off a devils tail, they will still remain demons.  I ask what really matters, his husband’s transition or her hungry children.  At this point, she has to prioritize her four children ahead from any her plans.  It’s not their fault why they have a shitty father to begin with.  They never had a choice when they were born.  If self worth has already flown away from the window, then look to see your children’s needs

From there, my sister breaks her silence and a river of tears has finally left her eyes.  From there on, she made her first step to freedom…by leaving my brother in law once and for all.