One of my best friends texted me that she will be meeting me at 9PM for a cup of coffee in Tomas Morato. She has always been there whenever she smells trouble and brewing around my head. She is like the character of Kris Aquino in ‘Happy Together’ – she always keeps me grounded and get in touch with REALITY. We haven’t really seen each other since January but … I think she smells an icky emotional problem ever since she opened my blog and read this new one.
She just told me by text… IVE READ IT AND WE HAVE TO TALK.
Just like a small kid…I confess…shaking…I replied… OPO!
Usually, whenever we meet, I was the first one who arrived but in this instance…she is prompt.
She gave me one sweet smile as she waves her hand in the air. But a big SLAP where given instead and a CD of Sarah Maclachlan. Yup…she is one hell of a girl and I like her for being real.
The night grew older and I come to realize that the slap bestowed upon is what we call REALITY.
To be able to have a relationship, you should see the person in flesh and blood. Text messages are just simple things that sometimes we are the one who gave colors and meaning to a person who just wanted to have ‘fun’….
Who just wanted to have friends? PERIOD. And I may be facing one right now.
Then… she got my phone and deleted all the messages I’ve been taking good care of my possession.
‘Text messages couldn’t love you
…nor kiss you
…nor hold you by the hand.
These are all text messages
… No more, no less…
She knew it so much and I couldn’t hide it. If he really cares for you, if he really is concern, if he really likes you regardless of whatever – he should have set the date for a meet-up. There is nothing wrong with a meet-up. That would prove whatever he is telling you in text – kung talagang sincere siya.
She slapped me because she wanted me to open up my eyes and stop dreaming…and live by the day.
I realized…I’m still in a dazed….I’m not Belle from Beauty and the Beast – this is not a fairy tale. I’m just an ordinary guy who kept on longing for love.
She continues… ‘Iba ka Allan…if I were a man, I would have loved you more than they do. Hindi na kita pinakawalan. Ako…babae ako pero alam ko kung sino ka. Naaalala mo yung theme song natin ‘You make me whole’… Pupuntahan ba naman kita rito sa Tomas Morato kung hindi kita mahal… kahit na sa Marikina pa ako nakatira…’
I responded ‘baka kasi… hindi mo na maalis sa tao ang magdalawang isip dahil pangit ako’
She said and I quote
‘hindi ka pangit Allan…may itsura ka..
Gwapo ka nga eh…
at kung yun ang iniisip mong dahilan…an-tanga niya.
Ikaw lang ang isa sa mga nakita kong totoo…kung ako yung niligawan mo…ngayun rin…magpapakasal tayo dahil ayaw kong may makakuha pa sayo.
Kung wala lang akong kasamang boyfriend ngayon…hinalikan na kita eh.
She remembers the time she had flu and her parents were not in Manila …she still remembers the soup I made for her. The night I just laid beside her and just simply wiped her worries away, napuyat yata ako nun…
…the t-shirt I used for three days because I didn’t go home…
“iba ka sa kanila…kung hindi ka lang gay…e di sana tayo na.”
I posed and gave a smile. Her boyfriend, looking at both of us…with a smile. (He knew the whole scenario between the 2 of us and they are in a relationship more than 3 years now.) ‘Allan kailan mo makikita na ikaw na yata ang isa sa ‘pinaka’ sa lahat ng mga taong nakilala ko. At kung hindi yun makita ng iba… they lost one of the best persons in this world. It doesn’t matter if your the most good looking or holds the title of Mr. Universe…its just looks. Iba pa rin yung totoong tao na marunong magmahal katulad mo’
At this moment… a tear dropped once again. I forgot myself once and she wiped it away.
I’m just sipping coffee, without an ounce of alcohol in my lips.
I woke up from my slumber…
Just like the song of Sarah…just like a ‘dirty little secret’ by Sarah Maclachlan
If I had the chance…love / I would not hesitate
TO TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS I NEVER SAID BEFORE / don’t tell me it’s too late…
Cause EVERY LINES ARE MY ILLUSIONS / to keep me warm at night
I did not think my capacity to love / I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP THIS FIGHT.
I’ve been up all night drinking / To DROWN MY SORROW DOWN
But nothing seems to help me since you run away / I’m so tired of this town
On every turn, this wagon / when every back is turned
Telling secrets that should never been revealed / has nothing to be given to me
But disaster is a good one / did you hear about my friend?
His embarrassed to be seen…. love / Cause we…. Ooo noo………….. / HIS WEAK…
If I had the chance…love / you know I would not hesitate TO TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS I NEVER SAID BEFORE / don’t tell me it’s too late
Because every line are my illusions / to keep you warm at night I DID NOT THINK MY CAPACITY TO LOVE / I am willing to give up this fight
Ouch I am willing to give up this fight.
PS: just like what I promised…I posted na po. (“,)
Originally posted last February 2006 from my former blog www.allanworld.i.ph