July 22, 2006 – i caught this post under Broken Hearts Club under the G4M site. After reading the said post, i kinda saw my old self …
Date: 21 Jul 2006, 18:11
to the one i love
since the day i spotted u here in this website, i made you a part of my heart. even though i only see you in still shots and posts, i still loved you . i must admitt, even though i never saw you personally nor even had a single message from you, i really made you my “one and only”. i stuck with you through and through.
But now, its time to get you off my head. i must accept the bitter truth that you will never be a part of my reality nor will i be part of yours. i know its silly to be gung ho on a thing that never really happened. but i was really stuck on you. youre practically a god, and im just a mortal. and only another god deserves you.
they say that you are gifted with the looks as well as the right attitude. i loved you even more because of thet. and so did the rest of the world.
But then again i want to thank you for teaching me how to love again.
i still am looking forward to seeing you personally. but its all just a dream right?
so now i must end my fantasies of you and me. i must move on the phase where i was always stuck staring at your photos.
thanks and i will always love you.
once in this forlorn journey, i fall in love with a guy.
type of communication: pictures and post…
GOD, im so pathetic.
i fall in love with a guy that i can only see in pictures. adored his looks and well-chiseled abs. i even invented scenes o f ‘what if’…
sick isnt it…?
and worst… i never even had the courage just to simply say ‘HI’ even on private messages. i created a world based on fantasy and dreams. if you would only know how handsome he is, youll drop your jaw in an instant!
it is self-destructive in one way or another. i put him in the center of my world without even knowing him (and him not knowing me. i even told some of friends, ‘boyfriend ko siya, pero once malaman niya, break na kami!). I totally forgot to take good care of myself…sleepless nights etc.
until i saw him post that he already had a boyfriend! my fantasy world crushed to its heels. devastated and cried a river.
WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF? am i masochist? i hate myself so much that i just wanted to drown myself with tears.
Why do we fall in love based on looks? i often say to myself im not superficial but yet i adore the next ‘Piolo Pascual’ or ‘Bernard Palanca’ look-a-like. im like loving Piolo Pascual…i will always be JUST a fan for him and like any passing pastels…im just a face in the crowd
i have to admit… and face the evils in my head.
and to top it all, why i didnt say anything to this guy… at least he would know how much i like him.
i dont expect anything in return, affection or a ‘retun back email’. at least it would have reliEved me from my current scenario – loving him too much without him knowing the basic stuff about me – ‘my name’. he didnt EVEN know that i exist.
out from this predicament, i stood up and change some of my ways of loving a guy.
i just simply say ‘i have to love myself first. accept all of my flaws for i will never know how to love somebody if I myslef cant even love the way i am – the way God made me’
simple but very powerful and it change my whole prospective in love.