the problem in loving ‘MR. PERFECT’


July 22, 2006  – i caught this post under Broken Hearts Club under the G4M site. After reading the said post, i kinda saw my old self …


Poster: secret

Date: 21 Jul 2006, 18:11


to the one i love


since the day i spotted u here in this website, i made you a part of my heart. even though i only see you in still shots and posts, i still loved you . i must admitt, even though i never saw you personally nor even had a single message from you, i really made you my “one and only”. i stuck with you through and through.


But now, its time to get you off my head. i must accept the bitter truth that you will never be a part of my reality nor will i be part of yours. i know its silly to be gung ho on a thing that never really happened. but i was really stuck on you. youre practically a god, and im just a mortal. and only another god deserves you.


they say that you are gifted with the looks as well as the right attitude. i loved you even more because of thet. and so did the rest of the world.


But then again i want to thank you for teaching me how to love again.


i still am looking forward to seeing you personally. but its all just a dream right?


so now i must end my fantasies of you and me. i must move on the phase where i was always stuck staring at your photos.


thanks and i will always love you.


me says:


once in this forlorn journey, i fall in love with a guy.

type of communication: pictures and post…


GOD, im so pathetic.


i fall in love with a guy that i can only see in pictures.  adored his looks and well-chiseled abs.  i even invented scenes o f ‘what if’…


sick isnt it…?


and worst… i never even had the courage just to simply say ‘HI’ even on private messages. i created a world based on fantasy and dreams. if you would only know how handsome he is, youll drop your jaw in an instant!


it is self-destructive in one way or another. i put him in the center of my world without even knowing him (and him not knowing me. i even told some of friends, ‘boyfriend ko siya, pero once malaman niya, break na kami!).  I totally forgot to take good care of myself…sleepless nights etc.


until i saw him post that he already had a boyfriend!  my fantasy world crushed to its heels. devastated and cried a river.


WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF? am i masochist? i hate myself so much that i just wanted to drown myself with tears.


Why do we fall in love based on looks? i often say to myself im not superficial but yet i adore the next ‘Piolo Pascual’ or ‘Bernard Palanca’ look-a-like.  im like loving Piolo Pascual…i will always be JUST a fan for him and like any passing pastels…im just a face in the crowd


i have to admit… and face the evils in my head.


and to top it all, why i didnt say anything to this guy… at least he would know how much i like him.


i dont expect anything in return, affection or a ‘retun back email’.  at least it would have reliEved me from my current scenario – loving him too much without him knowing the basic stuff about me – ‘my name’. he didnt EVEN know that i exist.


out from this predicament, i stood up and change some of my ways of loving a guy.


i just simply say ‘i have to love myself first. accept all of my flaws for i will never know how to love somebody if I myslef cant even love the way i am – the way God made me’


simple but very powerful and it change my whole prospective in love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s