The Christmas has just passed by like any ordinary day.
It has never been the same since my mom died two Christmases ago. But at least, in some way, I have improved well and coped with the lost of an angel in my life. I no longer see Christmas as another gray zone season. I’m beginning to see red, green and baby blue. I can now watch the old time classics such as ‘Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer’ and ‘The Grinch Who Stole Christmas’ without shedding a tear – turning comedy to drama.
BEFORE, a Christmas for me is just another day of tears and cat naps. I forgot to dressed-up in this festive occasion. I always remember the Christmas past when we are still complete. With cakes, ice creams, spaghetti and a magical Christmas dust littered all around. Noche Buena at home has always been a dream like enigma for me.
My father and I go to church before we eat. Then my mom and my sister are waiting at home with a table feast of goods. Then we will all watch any Christmas movie then we will all sleep together. Simply memorable.
It’s hard for me to accept that both of my parents died almost the same month – December. Where everyone is marrying and jolly, while I wail my sorrows. It’s hard….
I have often ask God, why December? You may have taken them back in any month in the calendar (from January to November) but why December??
My friends always ask me that why didn’t I inform them that my parents died during those years. I don’t like to ruin their holiday with such sad news is one simple reason. They also have their own families to attend. I felt so all alone…alone with my own miseries.
I fight a good fight. On the next Christmas, I swamped myself with work. I created mall shows and events on December just to forget my own sorrows. But it never fails to catch me.
Then, I realized that I cannot always run away. I have to face it and somehow overcome this feeling.
My youngest niece, Bobby, asked me one day in December… ‘Nandito po ba kayo Tito sa Christmas? Baka kasi dumating si Santa…wala ka…’
I forgot that I have four nieces who are waiting for me at home. Another beginning and it’s not fair for them to let them feel how sad am I. They are my little miracles that led me to celebrate this season once again.
Santa made it this Christmas. He has showered HUGE GIFTS fro my nieces. A doll house for Vanessa and Yannah, a remote controlled car for Airon and a Buzz Light Year figure for Bobby…just what they asked to Santa.
* previously posted last Decemeber, 2006 from my old blog http://www.allanworld.i.ph