My Bangkok experience is one crazy misadventure that any backpacker (gay or straight) would NEVER dream of. If you were reading my previous entries, you may virtually conclude that I hit the things you should NOT do while visiting a foreign country, much more if there is a language barrier between you and its local’s inhabitant. Its like a video game, you hit all the buckets to gain points and if that is so… I may have been in the loosing end and decreasing my life energy tremendously.
A life in Bangkok is both happy and sad. The lights…the culture… atmosphere… everything is uniquely owned by Thai’s. No wonder, people from around the globe (including me) were drawn its colorful history … intrigued on how it works. Maybe because of language barrier and only a few people could give a vivid definition on what makes “Bangkok” ticks. Jimmy (the Filipino guy who fetched me from the airport who has been living in Bangkok for more than 2 years) has not been able to fully master their language. Another kababayan whom I met in the airport has been living in Bangkok for 2 years hasn’t visited a lot of places in Bangkok and still remains clueless when asked. I bet she may not have been to where I am for four days.
If I will submit my escapades to a travel magazine for an inside look of a gay backpacker in Bangkok, they may not even publish it as well. As I was writing this post as of October 23 in the wee hours of the morning, the rain is pouring and flood started to drown the noise and the streets of Khao San. At the same time, the rain seems to drown my hopes and doubt started to cloud my mind if I could actually get home as scheduled if weather conditions won’t change. The last news flash i’ve heard, a fourth storm was brewing in the Philippine shore after a monster disaster Ondoy and Peping. I prayed and hoped that he will grant me thy wish as I totally got HIS message – “No Man is an Island”
Regret? So far … none. Though you may say that I should abandon all my thoughts in traveling to a foreign country in the future due to unfavorable situations like loosing all my money or track of time (lesson learned: always carry a mini calendar) … yeah you could finally conclude, I’m a stupid backpacker.
But this experience has truly thought me a lot. I came to Bangkok for the hope to find myself and I am successful as I begin to cherish the things that I neglected in the past, my experience brings me to a defining moment that life goes on even if you have had fucked up your life in the past. You have to stand up and continue the journey.
As I stood up, I learned and realized certain truth about life that I refused to believe after a traumatic and unfavorable chapter in my so-called life which involves an old friend, court cases and sanity. I felt that ‘I cannot trust anyone nor lean on someone else in times of crises. People will abandon me in times of trouble and I only have myself to count on. I abandon the fact that there are a few of my friends whom I could still rely on in times like this. As a very famous song goes ‘you could count on me when you need a friend’
I guess, you can’t blame me if I felt that way BEFORE for I have entrusted a so-called friend with its two bare hands to bring me to a safe road even without opening thy eyes. I was completely surprised when she betrayed and abandons thy poor soul. My hopes and dreams were all shattered and left to believe that no one can be trusted.
BKK brings back the core definition of the word – ‘Trust’. I thought I could survive without friends or family but they gave unsolicited love and support. Now I understand that guardian angels do exist and some of them don’t have wings. Angels do exist whose name are Karen and Arlene.
My sister and four nieces gave me the strength to move on. As of this writing, I wanted to go home badly. I need to go home and I will do everything to survive this ordeal first to have an opportunity to see them again. I know they are waiting for me.
All in all, Bangkok is not a bad experience. I never regretted the fact that I take that first step in the airport and travel all by myself. Speaking of traveling, i’m opening my hopes of a companion on my next trip to unsheltered regions – right raven
The rain stops and the noisy tourist downstairs starts to yell “cheers”. The noisy Khao San is starting to roar again. The hour seems to move on without the traces of horror that life may bring. I guess, there is a rainbow at the end of storm and it started to dawn at Khao San.