MY CONFESSION (part 2)


On the following day… mentor pa rin ako sa batch nila. I already asked to be removed from the mentoring list by that time kaya nga lang workforce always change their line up after each month.  So my wish were not yet granted kaya kasama pa rin ang name ko sa mentoring class.

Pinalaki naman kasi ako ng mga magulang ko na ‘law abiding citizen’ kaya kahit malakas ang kalabog ng dibdib ko, I have to fulfill my duties.  I tried hard na wag lumapit.  Kahit na may mga questions, siya I asked someone else na tulungan siya.  Kaya kahit yung ibang agents na hindi naman nangngailangan ng tulong eh ako na mismo ang nagtatanong kung may kailangan sila. By that time, i’m ready to move forward at kahit madaganan man ako ng kisame sa kinatatayuan ko ay hinding hindi ako lalapit sa station niya.  Pero talagang mapagbiro ang tadhana, nagkataon yata na yung ibang mentors ay naka-break and ako ang naiwan na nag-mementor.  He do raised his hand and kahit feeling ko ay lalagnatin ako sa hiya ay napilitan akong lumapit.

In fairness, he did asked a question and I politely answered his inquiries.  I stayed with him until he had been able to close the call and serviced the client.  Kundangan rin naman na wala ring nagtatanong na ibang agents kaya im stucked with him.  Until he said ‘thank you’… I was about to leave his station and siguro hindi na rin siguro siya nakatiis, kaya when he had opportunity to explain himself… he grabbed that chance and explains head on.  He said that he kinda lost my phone number dahil ng minsan maglinis ang mother niya ay kasamang naitapon yung tissue na binigay ko sa kanya with number written all over it.  (so I guess someone in smokey mountain may have my number.  And yes…it did last an impression he is not really interested kasi hindi nya aga nasave yung phone number ko ng makuha niya yung cell phone niya.  I feel na parang bigla nyang kinuha ang puso ko at biglang binagsak sa floor plus tinapaktapakan niya…OUCH ANG SAKIT).

I could almost hear my heart beat and said ‘its fine… you don’t need to explain.  Its all in the past.’ I think my voice starts to break… I just cant help being too emotional…

Then the inevitable happens… he asked for my number.

I was hesitant by that time.  Baka patibong lang ng lalaking ito yung pa-sweet sweet niya. It seems my world suddenly stopped and my vision become blurry.  He said … ‘mukhang nagalit ka sa akin dahil di ako naka-respond.  Ang sensitive mo pala…’

‘naku wala yun.  Wala sa akin yun.  Tapos na naman…”

Pero deep inside.. I think im about to faint.  Halos sumabog ang dibdib ko habang sinasabi ko yun dahil iba ang dinidikta ng utak ko sa totoo kong nararamdaman. Parang gustong kumawala ang isang Annabelle Rama mula sa kaibuturan ng aking damdamin.

‘sige na, ill get your number and ill text you right away once I got home’

I just don’t want to give it to him.  I don’t want to feel the things I have felt before.  The insecurities, the denial, the endless tears… My head is spinning and i suddenly need to catch my breath…

I suddenly looked in his eyes… dreamy, full of kindness…

I surrender…

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