#openletter to #mama

May 22 2018. It’s your Nth birthday. Honestly I stop counting your age and the years when you finally say #goodbye. But I won’t forget your birthday until the day when I say “Hi Ma, kumusta?”

I stop myself in writing melodramatic messages yesterday, knowing that there are no #instagram, #facebook or any social media sites in heaven. It’s crazy, you can’t even read it so why bother. Instead, I kept myself busy. Trying to get through the day. But my plan is a huge #failure. Cause here I am, writing messages that you won’t be able to read.

I miss you Mama. Sobra! I miss talking to you every single day. Sometimes I caught myself counting the days and hours … wishing my day ends and looking forward to see you again. I miss you mama.

You’re the only person I could talk to about my frustrations and aspirations. I could run to whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only person I could be honest with my feelings. The only person who knew me inside out. The world may judge and throw things at me but I kept myself strong enough to keep me sane. Not everyone knew me and it’s a lonely place to live in. Sometimes I kept on thinking that I’m worthless with the things they say behind my back but I guess – this is what I deserve. This is my kind of hell.

Mama… I’m sorry if I had disappointed you in all aspects of my decision making. I know I’m not the son you wish you had. I’m a huge disappointment. I hate the fact that I can’t give you the grandchildren you dreamt of. I can’t even find a partner of my own who can love me of who and what I am. I guess this face .. a face that only mothers could love.

But I tried to be a better person. Even if I can’t face another day, I tried to wake up and fight for my everyday battle. My sister, niece and nephew may need me and I wanted to make sure that I’m strong enough when they run to me. I hide behind the mask. Behind it … I’m also trying to fight my own demons. I need help. I needed someone who could understand me and listen. Just simply listen to me. Mama… when will you knock on my door and bring me with you.

I miss you mama. I bought you a cake. I’ll eat the rest of it and cry in silence

Kevin Spacey is #comingout

Hooray for Sir Kevin Spacey and finally admitting that being “Gay is OK”

It may taken him at least 5 decades before he can finally embrace the powerful rainbow until he pulled out his guts and claimed to live freely. Though your #comingout story may have been worst in gay history as it is clouded by negativity, nevertheless as a #progay advocate- I still applaud your sincerity and the beauty that you left all through out your life and career

#pride2017 : reminder to #gaymillenials – #RESPECT

Why do we celebrate #pridemonth ?
Hit back by asking “straight people should be thankful they don’t need one”. The #pride month roots back from the oppressive Civil Rights Movement. There were “Annual Reminder” marches as early as 1965, which were meant to be a public reminder that the #LGBT community didn’t enjoy the same basic civil rights as other people. But the watershed moment of the modern pride movement is widely considered the #Stonewall Riots. In the 1960s, due to laws prohibiting public sexuality, there were limited options for #queer folk and raids of #gay and #lesbian establishments were common.

During 80s and early 90s, the only local gay icon I know is Pacifica Falayfay. Dolphy’s iconic performance has ticked the Filipino gay character as #parlorista with a heart of gold. Though his moving performance has paved the way to bring #LGBTQ issues, there is more to #gaylife aside from what I see in theaters.

I stand strongly to my sexuality and if #millenialpink does not understand our #hugot due to”generation gap”… then let me simply say …
You won’t enjoy the #liberty to shout out your feelings to the world without the #thunderbeki who fought for you basic rights to #love and #expressyourself . #respect 

Nuff said.

#lgbt🌈 #lgbtpride #queerasfolk #labanbading #bading #bakla #shokla #rainbowbattle #rainbow #gaylife #gaypride #lovewins #baklaako #gaylifematters<<

#newbeginnings … it starts with opening the door.

#newbeginnings #newyear … sometimes it’s scary and almost frightening to step forward. We don’t know what life brings to the table and how will it turn out once you take the first step. But then again life is all about #movingforward … just #keeponswimming and life may #surprise you. These #changes are part of our life and we got to see what is in store for us otherwise we will be stuck on the same room while others has explored other areas of the house. 

#perfection is one bad idea

First of all, 💭 thinking about #perfection is one bad idea. Yup, life can’t be perfect. There would always be a flaw on everything we do on a daily basis. We are not #machines that flows based on how and what we are programmed to do. Thinking on #howtobeperfect is one mad idea that would drive you to the cliff and #jump. Another #crazy idea, waiting for perfection. You might be waiting for more than your #lifetime because there won’t be any. Girls love this idea “I’m waiting for that #perfect guy”. Come on… all chick flicks has the same dilemma right from the start and what do they get – hear Natalie Imbruglia’s song #torn. #lifeisshort. Get up and #enjoylife . Do #crazy and #weird stuff. #Laughoutloud. Sing on top of your voice and feel the #madness that life can offer. You owe it to yourself. 

#RedShoeChronicle: not so Xtraordinary @ #96Essensa with #Zander

It was one of those reviews that you just have to write agad agad…

And Im that kind of writer na super extreme…either im tooo overwhelmed or tooo mad because of a certain scene na parang di ko mapapalampas!   

My readers won’t like me after this but somehow, sometimes a fellow needs to speak up.

#BORING and #OVerPriced… I learned these two hashtags this evening

Based on my previous post, if you were reading closely, last week I booked a guy named Zander na #NoShow during the actual deed. But ergo, I got a great experience with Xian of Essensa. I love the fact that some of my friends are now closely looking on his profile and eventually hiring him…. He is a great catch and Hindi ako mapapahiya if anyone would read my previous blog post. “one of the best Massuer’s in Essensa that I would highly recommend.” 

This evening was special. The guy that I loooong to hire with so much hiatus is available. Yes… I have a bit of a crush sa kanya dahil gwapo at matangkad siya and super kinis. I did described how I first met him based on a previous blog entry and how I loooong for this day to finally hire him. 

My co-fairy dragged our weary ass on a Sunday night to fulfill our carnal desires. A friend were on the middle of his session with Xian when we arrived. So… naisip na Lang namin na kitain siya pagkatapos and eventually yayain siya after for a few drinks. My fairy friend snagged Jarred which I have to make a review pa. Sus…. So many boys, so little time. 

Well…. I guess my dreams are about to be fulfilled by Zander. 

When we entered the lair (hahahahha grabe lair talaga!) he was asking why did I picked over others…. I responded by saying… “ako yung client mo last week… I waited for you. Sabi ni Khaye lumabas Ka Lang at may sinundo pero inumaga na ako dito pero wala Ka pa. Kaya I opted na kumuha na Lang ng iba.”

“Ay sorry po ser… ikaw po pala yun. Di ba malakas ang ulan last week eh Hindi na ako pinauwi ng regular client ko kaya di na ako nakarating.” 

Oops… he was with “his regular client” pero iba explanation sa akin ni Khaye na may sinundo etc. In terms on how I deal with this “extra hobby”, I’m direct to the point. I even asked His handler by that time yung whereabouts nang otoko na itey and just be honest kung NASA client man siya. I don’t want to waste my time lalo na maghintay. It’s like hours that I cant bring back and that’s a huge NO for me. 

Anyway… I don’t dwell with issue kaya I dropped it the moment I entered the lair. Pagpasok ko pa Lang, parang narinig ko na ang mga anghel sa langit at masayang umaawit na parang operatic and dating… hahaha! 

Attitude 7/10 – polite. That’s the only word I can think of. He uses “po” and “opo” dahil anLakas makagurang. I asked him to drop it Pero he did explained that everyone in Essensa were thought to say such. I don’t want to push so much that’s why I gave in. 

Looks/body 8/10 – the guy is handsome…. Sobra.. did I say na Crush ko na siya nang una ko siyang masilayan. Kumanta pa nga si Kim Chiu sa background “ikaw na ba si Mister Right… ikaw na ba ang icing sa cupcake koooooo?” If the evening turns out well, I would have asked for another session and booked for another round….. plus no bad odor at all. kaya Lang his looks department is not that enough to fill in my sensual desire. I guess, dahil gwapo nga…  

Massage 5/10 – am I expecting too much? Well with his body frame, his height and huge hands… yes I am. The last time I check, the sign said “spa”. But then again, I can’t asked for too much. His technique is soooo technical (anu ba yun… walang kwentang mag describe)

Ok.. spa quality. Yan ang description ng ilang hitad na kung makapag FR eh wagas. He did asked the mandatory question kung “hard or moderate”. I responded by saying “hard baby… hard to moderate “. Nothing too explosive or monumental sa massage. I can still remember when I did ask him “konting diin pa dear”… he tried siguro but I guess that is the best that he can do. funny… this only lasted mga 30 minutes siguro. 

Isang plus for him siguro ay hindi siya masalita which I appreciate kasi ayoko rin namang dumaldal habang nagpapamasahe. 

Tool 4/10 – hep…Alam ko tumatakbo sa isip mo ng mabasa mo ang rating ng tool nya. Pagbigyan mo Lang akong mag explain… its average naman. Hindi ko kasi nakita ng fully erect…. Siguro 5 inches long… Sinukat ko pa sa bibig ko habang subo ko ang notrilya nya pero di man Lang ako nabilaukan. Hindi siya super hard… I don’t know why pero siguro hindi nya lang ako bet. Gusto ko sanang magpausok ng insenso at Baka nasapian si junjun junior kaya di siya tinitigasan. Siguro kung ako si Anne Curtis…. Ay sus sino ba niloloko ko – kahawig ko si Ai Ai delas Alas kaya siguro ganun ang reaction ng junjun nya. Takutin ko kaya? USO naman dahil malapit na ang todos los Santos di ba. Baka kasi pag nagulat eh biglang tumigas.. 


ES 4/10 – susmarya…. Napagod ako. I don’t know where to start and I guess the next thing you’ll read are all “rants”. Forgive me. With my Girl Scout honor “I will do my best” 

Spell boring. As in. Walang fireworks… no passionate kisses. Wala. Walang himallllaaaaaaa! 

With my loud mouth, I did asked these things to his handler through a mutual friend. Unulit ko rin ang mga ganitong tanong sa gabing hindi ako sinipot. I’ve read somewhere regarding this guy and a few advices from a friend… pero siyempre Hindi ko pa naman natitikman kaya di rin ako makapag conclude. Medyo hesitant na rin ako when I was asked kung sino ang iBook ko that night with the series of unfortunate events but I can’t judge him naman just because he got a bad FR by another time pixie fairy. Magagalit si bimby nyan (with Kris Aquino tone) 

Going back, his torrid kisses is not true. It’s a smack. Tangnadis. Nabilang ko ata yun…siguro Hindi hihigit sa mga 40 kisses yun. As in. 

 His tongue action… sus… parang kumuha Ka ng krayola tas “nag small circle big circle” Ka sa utong ko. I did show him how when its my turn…. Ang pagdila ko sa kanya from his singit to his utong with supsup on the side and I did not even get a porno reaction. Slurp dito slurp doon…. Wala, putek. Dedma. 

Hindi pwede ito… anlaki ng TF ni kuya (which I will describe later… magagalit ka sa akin). Kailangan masulit ko ito. I started on top with his baby junior. It is not fully erect kaya I made a few attempts. Nang pinasok na…siyet di ko maramdaman…  

Commercial: nakapag attend Ka na ba ng acting class? Madalas Maririnig mo… even the great Jaclyn Jose once uttered… wala akong mapaghugutan sa kaekesena ko. Excatly my point… wala akong mahugot na libog sa kapartner ko. 

He was just there… no moaning… nothing. 

Then I think at one point to save his erection he opted for dog style. Siyempre I have to think fast… it seems lalabasan na siya (dyuskoooo di pa kami nagtatagal ah) kaya I asked him na magpalabas sa likod ko… 


Sabi ko kung lalabasan Ka na, Hugutin mo titi mo then Alisin ang condom tapos magpalabas Ka dyan sa likod ko. Gusto kong maramdaman na nilabasan Ka. 

“Sa likod po nyo ser?” 

Sa likod ko …yes. Hindi sa loob ng puke ko. Sa likod. 

Yes…sooo graphic. That’s how the conversation go. My fangs and my horns starts to show. 

He did cum… I felt it. But I’m nowhere near nirvana.   
Next chapter… nagbabati na ako. I’m loosing my libido and Ive got to catch it fast…. And si zander. He was on my side. Pagod. Walang ginagawa. “Hello … Houston we have a problem” 

I tried to pull him towards me. He is a bit hesitant kasi nga puro pawis ako but still… I pulled him near me. He laid on top of me without doin anything….. NOTHING AT ALLLLLL. No kisses.. nothing. 

I asked him to lay flat and for heaven sake I played the role of “Top”. Kanyod dito kanyod doon… goodness. The last time I work hard this much is when I had a boyfriend circa 1900’s. Pero I like what I’m doing by that time kaya nag TOP ako sa kanya. Eh ngayun… I’m staring at a lifeless fuckin doll with great ass…that’s it. Layla dee…. Pintihaya ko naman ang otoko at Baka sa mga singit nya makita ko ang nirvana… kanyod dito kanyod doon. He is not even making an effort. Hindi nya naman inipit talaga.   

Ay sus… I give up. Sobrang pagod ko.   


“Sige ok na…” 


“Its ok…pagod na ako” 

Tonight… my cum is not invited. 

Damage: mahabang kwento ito. Makinis ka muna. When we are about to start the ES and when he politely offered it to me… 

“Magkaliwanagan muna tayo…. Php2500 all in na yan.” 

“2500.00 plus 500 for the spa po.” 

Medyo nagpanting ang tenga ko. Pero sige I opted to give in. Maguumpisa pa Lang kami mga mare and I don’t want to spoil the evening. 

When I was on top of him and I was about to push baby junior sa aking kweba ng kalangit langitan… “ser….” Almost whsipery “dagdagan nyo na lang ng 500…magpapalabas rin naman ako eh” 

This is black mail. I wanted to shout. Mag eskandalo bumaba at humanap ng mambabarang. Akala ko ba napagusapan na namin ito right before the we do the deed. May huling hirit sa tag init. Your asking me this when your about to fuck meeeee. Oh come on…. 

Everything in my head. In this life… there are things that I care about. Ayoko ng mapahiya ang mga taong nagpakilala sa akin sa happy place na Ito and I will not create a scene dahil sa pera. Wala sa bokabularyo ko ang gumawa ng eksena na ikakapahamak ng iba. 

Rehire: pusang gala…. Tinanong mo pa ako! Huuuuuuuugggggggeeeee NOOOOOOOOOOO!  If you want to hire him 


Revitalizing Spa

69 Kamias Road, Quezon City

Landline +63 2 504 1464

MANAGER “KHAYE” +63 906 862 5468

P.S. masarap palang sumigaw at pumalahaw sa loob ng gay bar. Pramis… walang makakarinig hahahahhaha 

#RedShoeChronicle: Xtraordinary Xian of #96Essensa

Word of the day… #surprised!

I have a few guys left on my list up for a review but I opt to create a review for this guy first. So lemme start by saying #LifeisFullofSurprises

It’s another essensa night for the Fortress group led by the one and only Ms. Fierce. But of course this night won’t be possible without the detailed planning of her majesty. So each fairies pick their bet and coordinated with the event POC which is Khaye of Essensa. I pick a guy named Zander. Nakita ko na siya ng una kong punta sa Essensa and quickly planned to pick him pagbalik namin after Louis and Jarred. So it was one week of day dreaming and fantasies while doodling his name to mine…. High school Lang ang peg. There were days na gusto mo n Lang matapos para makadaupang palad mo na ang man of your dreams. Of course can’t deny the fact na nag research rin ako on how he performs so I psyched myself on his weakness versus my expectations. Ganun ko siya pinaghandaan. 

Until the fateful evening come… wala siya!  


Khaye explained na may binili or sinundo Lang siya. So ok… smile Lang muna. Pa sweet muna… medyo kinakabahan. I have friends and willing to wait naman po…. Parang Kumain Ka Lang sa a howling ang peg. I’ll just enjoy the company of friends while waiting. 

Lumalalim na ang gabi… wala pa rin Zander. So follow up uli…  

Isa pang follow up dahil tapos na ang first batch ng mga fairies… sweet akong nag follow up. Wala pa ring hanapin…

Ava Maria santisima… anong oras na… Asan na??? I can almost hear myself sa kulit which I personally don’t like.

Khaye can’t give me a straight answer so she opted to suggest another guy named JOJO. 

I’m not totally sold to it… I need other head! 

Then I started to talk to Rey of essensa. He quickly responded and suggested Xian instead. Me as a picky customer, parang kilalang kilala na ako ni Mama Rey. Sabi nya “kanina pa kita na obserbahan and lahat ng mga nakuha mo sa mga Alaga ko. Kanina ng nagsuggest sila pero kita sa mukha mo na Hindi bet. Hindi ako mapapahiya Kay Xian bet…. The best yan” 

I was ready to retire and surrender that night. I was being pressured to pick a guy. Are these my choices? Gusto ko ng umuwi… papa can you see me? Papa can you hear me? I’m sooo ready to blurt a song of sorrow. 

Finally made a decision.. “sige mother, si Xian na lang po.” I can’t even pronounce his name right. Argghhhhh! 

 I was singing “body and soul” by Billie Holiday. I was counting each stairs. Mabigat ang loob… 

“My heart is sad and loneeellllyyyyy…”. I retired to the fact that this will be a huge disaster. I pity my masseur kasi I surrendered to the fact that I won’t be satisfied. 

He was polite naman. He showed me the room and I simply nodded. “Noooooooo this is not me. Sobrang tahimik ko.” Nagpaalam muna siya na punta muna siyang CR. So I prepared na lang and waited for him. 

Looks/body 8/10 – the guy is a cutie pie. Come to think of it… even if I was sooo psyched to meet Zander intimately. He has clear skin and no foul odor at all. Super maalaga siya kasi Ivan still remember he has this bagpack during the deed. Sobrang handa siya and he even has this sweet and musky perfume that he wore that sets the mood. A bit of a chubby side siya… some will appreciate this physique. Me…Tama lang kasi I’m more of sa abs…. it’s a fantasy that I can’t whisk it.

Attitude 10/10 – very polite. I know it was in the wee hours of the morning when I finally decided to pick him but he was all smiles pa rin when we thread our way to the room. Very respectful and he got few jokes up his pocket na mapapatawa Ka. He is a great catch.

Massage 10/10 – I was laying flat until he came wearing his briefs. Good job… handa na si kuya. Malapit na mag umaga kaya Baka nagmamadali na. He politely asked kung hard ba or moderate…. I quipped “hard to moderate”. Though medyo maliit ang physical attributes ko.. I’m picky pagdating sa massage dahil mataas ang tolerance level ko. I guess Im a huge fan of massage so I know if ginawang chess board ang likod ko because of sloppy technique.  

Dito nagpakilala si Xian. 

Grabe ang hagod and massage. He knows what he is doing and he made me feel that I’m a Goddess. Napaungol na Lang ako sa sobrang sarap. Every strokes are well calculated and he knows kung nasaan ang mga pressure. He did not say a word which I do appreciate. Some masseur are too chatty trying sell their wares. He doesn’t. He will show what a good massage is. He also do a combination and stretched my tired and stressed muscles to oblivion. Napa sheeeettt Lang ako! And grabeeee napatunog nya rin ang likod ko. Normally, im too hesitant with this technique kasi its detrimental dun sa receiver especially kung Hindi marunong ang gagawa. He did it well… akala ko may bago akong likod. Sobrang ansarap. I have lower back pains kaya sometimes it’s too hard for me to sit. After massage, it seems na parang nagdahilan lang dahil nawala yung pain. Until now while, I’m writing this blog entry… walang unan or whatsoever to support my lower back. Ang gaan gaan ng feeling. Plus yung mga lamig ko sa likod na sobrang laki na at parang holen… pinuntirya nya. Yup medyo masakit habang dinudurog nya kasi nararamdaman ko eh pero he did it well. Ang gaan sa loob.  

I would rate him 10/10. If may tataas pa… dun ako. 

Tool 8/10. A bit average for my taste. I know…please don’t throw stones at me. Its just my opinion but he does use his tool very well 

ES 10/10. You will never regret it. It’s wild and amazing.   

“Sir umpishan ko na ba?” 

Ito ang mga katagang nang gising sa akin…medyo nakaidlip na ako dahil sa sobrang sarap ang masahe. “Ay oo sige…” 

Dito na ako pinatikim ng langit…. Super wild. Super torrid kissing. I thought mawawalan ako ng hininga. He devoured me with those sweet soft lips. He slowly caress my neck with his lips…slowly but passionately. I could feel every kisses… ahhhhhh. No words to describe. 

Then he asked me to give him a blow job. He was clenching my head, begging me for more. I swear I don’t mind loosing some hair kung Ganito naman kasarap.  

Then he slowly slip the rubber and slip into me…. Oh gawwwddd  

I can feel his tool and though it’s average for me… he knows how to use it. I was moaning too loud by that time and I was extra happy. I don’t care … I felt I’m a hentai porno queen ready to explode at anytime.   

Damage: 2500 all in since this is the minimum rate of th spa but added another 500 for a job well done. 

REHIRE. Oh yes… anytime. Anyday and any way. For inquiries pls look for Rey of Essensa 09266581730



I can still read your name on my right arm… they are all healed but i can still see the marks

Its like yesterday when i scribbled your name
Swearing why it hurts
Asking GOD why i love thee

Blood runs through my veins
The blood drips on the floor
The blade hums my endearing love

But time heals all wounds
Its true
Now its just a white mark
But my heart still has to heal thyself

I know in time ill get over you
My heart is still dripping with blood
Can i move on.

One tiny step
One last breath
One more chance

#Beki test your skills: which #DisneyPrincess are you?


Baks… kumakanta ka pa rin ba ng “a whole new world” sa banyo or “a part of your world” ang peg mo pag bumabaha sa lugar nyo?

Beh… gusto mo bang malaman kung sino ka sa mga Disney Princess? Abay teh… look no more.  Eto na ang peg na hinihintay mo at mamili sa mga sumusunod ang fit sa aura mo beks.

Lagay mo sa comment bar below or twet back ka na lang.   Paki tweet back mo na rin at ipagkalat natin ang mabuting balita.  Gow!!