Tagalog version of #PokemonGo


I was browsing Facebook this weekend when they finally launched the app game Pokemon Go here in the Philippines.  The same app game that caused enough havoc and turmoil in the US finally made it in the local shore.

Of course my friends who got high end smart phones goes #gaga over fictional characters. I, on the other hand did not downloaded the app because

1. I’m not a huge fan of Pokemon.  I love uttering “pokemo” especially if I’m mad or agitated but playing the game is too much for me.

2. I don’t understand the story line.  I’m better off repeating fairy tale stories or I would rather watch Conan or Doraemon anytime than watch a bunch of kids hunting for eggs.. Sounds too kinky for me 

3. Too many characters.  In reality, I can’t even memorize a guys name let alone memorizing more than one dozen of animated characters that I don’t even care

One Fb page that I follow Pepeng Malupet which was originally posted by  Swarovski Robyn listed Filipino translation of Pokemon names. This I find it hilarious and super funny 

Remember, Filipino heroine Darna wears a bra just like this.  In the early 90s, starlets and bomba stars often wear this during tabloid shoots 

The #talangka mentality

#bes… Meaning bestie or BFF or best friend.  Rofl 

If you’re Pinoy… You know what does it mean.  “Tangna Andeng wag mong sabihing did more ma-gets!”

The Encantadia character named #Pirena.  The original character played by a local actress Sunshine Dizon has the same costume.

Big mouth loves to suck cocks … Judge me 

If there is #chupaera.. This bird comes after

Local version of Little Mermaid 

Tagalog version of bean sprout

It’s a song dumbass… Remember they are looking for him… “Nasaan  na raw ang lider ng tatlong bibe so stop hunting him!!!

Well… Ill mannered poor gay thwats… Beware if your frenemies suddenly posted this on your timeline

In English… Scrotum hahahahha

In English… The hair down there.  Rofl!  I just hope that I expanded your Tagalog vocabulary using this post.

#LESSON101: how to know if #beki ba ang #boyfie mo?


In a relationship ka girl for 100 years, 10 months, 2 weeks and 3 days.  Ganyan na katagal ang relasyon mo sa long time boyfriend mo na hanggang ngayon ay nilulumot na ang katagang “will marry this year” sa quotable quotes dyan sa “new years to-do lis” mo.

Nagkaboyfriend na si mommy dionisia, may anak na si jolina at ikakasal na si marian pero hanggang ngayon eh wala pa ring proposal sa prince charming mo.  Sari saring pagpapasaring na nga ata ang ginawa mo kay kuya pero talagang ang pagiging manhid yata ay nananalaytay sa kanyang veins, mare!!?!.

Pero baka naman wala sayo ang problema? Baka naman ang boyfriend mo ay may berdeng dugo.  In short… BADING.

Pero paano nga ba malalaman kung bading ang boyfriend mo? Ilalabas ko na ang tawas at tatawasin na natin ang kasintahan mo.

Uumpisahan natin sa choice of music ni kumpare.  Yup… pwedeng mahuli ang dalagang bukid sa piling ng musika.  Ito ang lima sa tip ko bago ka magharakiri dahil sa haba ng pasakalye ko…

Kandirit.. kandirit…

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1. Tingnan mo ang music collection nya.  Kung sina mareng Mariah, Celina, Barang, Regine at sari saring biritera ang precious collection na nakadisplay sa music cabinet nya eh magisip isip ka na.  Ate… yung nagiisang album ni eminem does not count lalo na kung nabuo nya ang album collection ni Britney Spears.  May tawag dyan… #InDenial.

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2. Mas kabisado nya pa ang lyrics ng “saving all my love for you” by whitney huston kesa sayo with matching giling ala Mariah pag kinekembelar nya sa karaoke ang minus one na pinasikat ng mga drag queen sa malate.

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3. Sa natural speaking voice ng dyowa mo eh parang naghuhukay ng 6 ft pag nagsasalita pero pag nagsimula ng kumanta eh sapilitan nyang binibirit ang mga kantang “fantasy”, “all this time” at “when you believe” na parang naipit ang betlog sa pagitan ng dalawang naguumpugang upo.

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4. “We are family”, “i will survive”, “dancing queen”, “single ladies” and “hiding inside myself” ang ilan sa mga favorites sa kanyang playlist.  Wag kang maniniwala na ang kapatid nyang babae ang parating nakikinig sa ipod shuffle nya.  Lalong lalo na kung alam mo namang puro lalake ang mga kapatid nang dyowa mo.

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5. Poster ng “one direction” ang nakabandera sa kwarto ng boyfriend mo.  Isama mo pa isang album na punong puno ng mga KPOP pictures.  Try mong halughugin ang gallery ng android phone nya.  Makikita mo ang album ni Lee Min Ho.

Dahil dyan, pagbalatin ng #patatas si #PrincessSarah – Miss #Minchin


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I adore Princess Sarah series.  I literally grew up with it and i have great memories watching every freakin morning right before i go to school.  I think i even fantasize and dress up like Sarah during my “confusing days”.

Until ABS overuse its popularity and had its reruns every afternoon.  I dont know if they have scarcity of ideas for new programs or they simply have no budget to produce another sitcom.

Now… the iconic Princess Sarah finally resurface with new hilarious meme. I had a great laugh while browsing through the uploaded Sarah memes at facebook.  I was laughing at the top of my lungs when i first saw the series.

Just to share some of the most hilarious meme’s… i posted some of the best.  I just hope youll have tons of laugh like i did.  To my foreign readers… grab a Filipino and ask them to interpret it for you.  Laugh! Here they are – “Sarah and the magical potatoes” quotes below:

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#OMG… si #JakeCuenca at ang kanyang tweety bird @ #Bench #TheNakedTruth


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Somebody has got to say something to Jake Cuenca.  I know youve seen his pictures and all from the last Bench Underwear Show and i bet… walang plastikan… napa OMG ka rin.  Walang halong kaplastikan… napamura pa ako ng bonga sabay tawa ng malakas.

Come on… this guy cant swallow his pride.  Siguro akala nya, kailangan nyang ipagpatuloy ang mga daring stints nya every Bench Fashion Show. This is his latest statement sa kanyang twitter account.

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Ayun oh… as if we are waiting for him to put on some death defying underwear so we can puke after he strutts the catwalk.  Iba talaga pag artista – walang hiya hiya.  Pero sana naman eh nagtira sya ng kaunti sa sarili. 

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Siguro nakalimutan nyang magsalamin or napasarap lang ang upo nya sa hapag kainan.  Napaisip tuloy ako ng Lechon Cebu….

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Floor length mirror naman ang gamit sa gym pero di ba niya napansin na medyo lawlaw na ang kanyang behind.  Gawd!

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Bench should not reproduce this underwear…ever. Susmaryosep… anu ba ito tweety bird? Paki explain!

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Minsan… pag alam naman natin di na uubra.  Wag nang ipilit. Ang lakas makapamilit kasi.  Tsk tsk epic fail ka rito jake.  I hope this is your last!

of #profiles and #gaymen


 

i was browsing PR earlier until i bump into this profile.  Its kinda long but its funny in a sense since there is a tinge of truth on he had written … OK as in nakana and swak sa banga ang description nya.  So i opted to copy and share it with you..

Some of the bullets that was presented, i admit – nabiktima na rin ako lalo na yung mga trade pics.  Kaya i stopped asking and trading pictures.  Anyway what you see on my profile are my real pictures.  Kaya di nyo man bet ang pagmumukha ko, wapakels dahil sabi ng nanay ko – ako pa rin ang pinaka-cute sa kanya and yun lang ang pinakamahalaga sa akin!

 

In this stupid fucking BI world.  Everybody has it’s own preferences and standards.  Yung iba sinasabi na good looking DAW sila, pero putangina, hindi naman pala..

Yung iba “Not into sex” daw, pero puro tite at pwet ang nasa pictures nila (Ina nyo !!!)..

Yung iba ang hanap cute at pogi,, pero pagtiningnan mo naman, di naman din kagwapuhan. (kapal ng mukha nyeta)..

Yung iba “No facepic, no reply” pero kapag nagsend ka ng facepic mo at hiningi mo yun sa kanya,,Sorry dude wala ko picture dito, pero I assure you good looking at gwapo ko sa personal” (pakyu mo, laos na yan uwi ka nalang)..

Merong iba. hindi daw naghahanap ng may itsura na BF, basta lang mabait at honest, eh nung may nagchat na mabait na panget, dinaig pa yung “NO PIC NO REPLY”, deadma daw ba. (yung totoo? gaguhan tayo dito?)

May iba nakalagay sa profile nila “Leave me a FOOTPRINT” o kaya kapag nakachat sasabihin nila “i-FOOTPRINT mo naman ako”. (padamihan ba ng footprint para sumikat,, punta ka showtime, baka don, its your time to shine)

Yung iba hinihingi kagad number mo na parang magkakilala kayo (loadan mo nalang ako, natuwa pa ko sayo)

Yung iba MANYAK, (lagi naman tangina, ano bago??)

Yung iba “No to chubs and Effems” pero pagnakita mo naman yung facepic nya, parang BAKLANG JEJEMON, na pinipilit MAGPAKALALAKE sa picture.. (yung totoo?)

Yung iba serious relationship ang hanap, kase kakabreak lang DAW nila ng 1week nyang BF. (dafuq, mangulekta ba ng lalake??)

Yung iba NSA fun lang daw dahil may GF sya, eh nag GF ka pa Tite rin pala hanap mo? (bakit di mo nalang lagyan ng dildo yung GF mo para kahit papano may na ch*–ch*pa ka, tangina ka)

Yung iba, habang ka chat mo, biglang tatanungin “Ilan na na meet mo dito sa PR?” (bakit mo tinatanong?, Census ba to? tangina, eh kung sabihin ko sayong 1000, so lahat yon expected mo nakasex ko?)

Yung iba, biglang magcha-chat “Anong hanap mo?”, “bro, dude, tropa, PARE, TOL ano hanap mo dito?” 
(PARE ?!!, TOL ?!!, kala mo mga lalakeng lalake ah,, bakit si Dora ka ba tangina mo ka.. tutulungan mo ba kong maghanap?, Nanay ko nawawala pakyu mo)

Yung iba, nilagay mo na nga sa Online status mo, “Not into sex, masseurs back-off” magcha-chat padin ang mga putang ina (nag kinder kaba?? bakit hindi ka marunong magbasa, tangahan ba tayo dito, tang ina mo)

Yung iba naman sasabihin “trade pic tayo facepic “, tpos pagnagsend ka ng sayo at hihingin mo na yung sa kanila, di na magrereply (aba putangina, kala ko ba TRADE pics? alam mo yung TRADE, oh punong puno ng tite yang utak mo kaya hindi mo na alam?)

iba’t iba tao, iba’t iba rin ang gusto,, Di marunong makuntento, kaya pakyu sa inyo 😀

( Lahat ng nakasulat dito, ay base sa mga profile ng ibang tao dito kapag nagbr-browse ako at base narin sa mga experiences ko sa pakikipag-usap sa mga tao dito )

PS: Di nman sa galit ako or bitter o kung anong ka putanginahan man ang maisip nyo, basta ako, shinishare ko lang kung ano ang mga ugali ng halos mga tao dito…..

Jobert Sucaldito and the naughty #cucumber


 

Showbiz talk show host Jobert Sucaldito is recovering at the Capitol Medical Center in Quezon City after a successful emergency surgery to remove a large piece of cucumber that got stuck in his rectum, according to reports.

Sucaldito, one of the hosts of ABS-CBN’s “The Buzz,” reportedly met with the accident Sunday night and was rushed to the hospital after complaining of “extreme pain” in his bottom.
X-rays subsequently revealed that a broken piece of cucumber, about five inches in length, had gotten lodged into the lower end of his large intestine.

It was not immediately clear how the cucumber got there.

The surgeons who operated on Sucaldito were tight-lipped and refused to discuss his case with media, citing doctor-patient confidentiality. Oddly enough, they all looked like they were trying vainly to keep from laughing and refused to look reporters in the eye.

Members of Sucaldito’s household who declined to be named said they recovered the other half of the cucumber, also five inches in length, in Sucaldito’s bedroom. They said it had “bite marks” and was in a “soggy” state.  Besides the cucumber, they said they also found “a bottle of Johnson’s baby oil, pictures of scantily clad men, and lots of tissue paper.”

Reached by phone, Sucaldito said he is fine and will be discharged from hospital soon. He explained that it was all an accident.

“Gumagawa kasi ako ng salad. Napaupo ako dun sa chair e meron palang pipino dun na patayo ang pusisyon. Basta, mabilis kasi ang mga pangyayari (I was making a salad. I sat on a chair but there was a cucumber there in an upright position. Everything just happened so fast)” he said.

In a related development, a group of vegan Filipinos is reportedly thinking of filing an abuse complaint against Sucaldito for allegedly molesting a harmless and defenseless vegetable.

 

Editors note: This story has been resurrected recently by FB netizens.  After further research, it all began way back in May of 2009.  There were no actual news article but rather links after links after links that was “copy pasted” by naughty bloggers.  So this “new article” become a folk tale which was passed on by itchy bloggers lips to another green minded bloggers lips.  In fact, i copied some of the links below for your easy reference.