the most HEARTBREAKING text messages i have read … (series 4)


HANKY 31

Too many lies can weaken one’s trust…

Too much betrayal can cause a person to be afraid

And the sad truth is …

Too much pain felt by a loving heart can cause it to freeze

Till it goes numb by the never ending pain…

Until it doesn’t feel any love… anymore. (Sad but true)


HANKY 32

To love someone doesn’t mean to commit with that person.

Sometimes you just have to be satisfied with whatever connection you have with that special one.


HANKY 33

Isn’t it sad when you are so much in love right now,

but you cant freely let it out?

And your so DAMN scared to show it to all cause of one reason?

IT’S COMPLICATED

(gawd, this hits me right on my noggin – AJ)


HANKY 34

Are we really hurt because

we can’t tell the person we love what we really feel?


Or are we hurt because at the back of our minds

we know that telling the object of our affection what we really feel won’t make any difference

(now, I’m starting to cry…- AJ)


HANKY 35

People must try to be sensitive…cause not everyone is strong enough to endure pain.

After all there’s no anesthesia for a broken heart


HANKY 36

What makes us a fool???

When it hurt us to the core seeing the one you love with somebody else,

but still, you keep on staring.


HANKY 37

UNCERTAINTY is the biggest torture in love.

You feel jealous yet you can’t complain.

You can get hurt yet you can’t show it.

You can love with your all yet you cant say it.

All you can do is watch,

keep the pain, enjoy, the smiles, hugs and kisses then show much that person means to you


HANKY 38

The love you cant have….

Last as the longest

Feels the strongest

And hurts the MOST.


HANKY 39

They asked ‘how does it feel to love someone who love someone else?’

After a deep breath, he answered; ‘its like hugging a cactus, the tighter you embrace, the more it hurts’


HANKY 40

We keep on sticking to who we like, that’s why we never notice those who like us.

Sometimes were dying for someone who doesn’t care, while somebody’s already dead trying to please us…

the most heart breaking text messages i have read… (series 5)




HANKY 41

Too many LIES can weaken one’s trust…

Too much BETRAYALS can cause a person to be afraid

And the sad truth is …


Too much PAIN felt by a loving heart can cause it to freeze

 

Till it goes numb by the never ending pain,

Until it doesnt feel any love… anymore(Sad but true)

 


HANKY 42

To love someone doesn’t mean to commit with that person.

Sometimes you just have to be satisfied with whatever connection you have with that special one.

Isn’t it sad when you are so much in love right now, but you cant freely let it out?

And your so damn scared to show it to all cause of one reason?  ITS COMPLICATED

 

 


HANKY 43

Are we really hurt because we can’t tell the person we love what we really feel? Or are we hurt because at the back of our minds we know that telling the object of our affection what we really feel wont make any difference

 


HANKY 44


People must try to be sensitive…

cause not everyone is strong enough to endure pain.

After all there’s no anesthesia for a broken heart

 


HANKY 45

What makes us a FOOL??? When it hurt us to the core seeing the one you love with somebody else, but still, you keep on staring.

 



HANKY 46

UNCERTIANITY is the biggest torture in love.

You feel jealous yet you cant complain. You can get hurt yet you cant show it. You can love with your all yet you cant say it. All you can do is watch, keep the pain, enjoy, the smiles, hugs and kisses then show how much that person means to you

HANKY 47

The love you cant have….

Last’s the longest

Feels the strongest

And hurts the MOST.

 


HANKY 48

Akala mo hindi ka niya mahal dahil mas pinili nyang maging magkaibigan na lang kayo….

pero ang hindi mo alam… higit ka niyang mahal dahil pinili niya kung saan kayo mas magtatagal

(this message really makes me cry…why cant we be more than friends – AJ)

 


HANKY 49


In this world, it’s hard to tell who’s true and who’s not

People may be good at the beginning and be cruel in the end;

If your too trusting, they’ll take advantage of you;

if they know your weak, they’ll hurt you and suck the blood our from your veins;

after loving them, they’ll leave you behind… gasping for air.

the most heart breaking text messages i have read… (series 4)


“here comes the rain again…falling on my head like a tragedy …. la la larin”

see, i could hum a tune!!!! as a tribute to the rainy season, let me serve the fourth series of text messages that could make you weep and shead a tear or two. scroll down and enjoy….


HANKY 31:

Are we really hurt because we can’t tell the person we love what we really feel? Or are we hurt because at the back of our minds we know that telling the object of our affection what we really feel won’t make any difference


HANKY 32:


People must try to be sensitive…

cause not everyone is strong enough to endure pain.

After all there’s

Sometimes faith has a cruel way of putting things together.


no anesthesia for a broken heart


HANKY 32:


What makes us a fool???

UNCERTAINITY is the biggest torture in love.
they’ll leave you.


When it hurt us to the core seeing the one you love with somebody else, but still, you keep on staring.  


HANKY 33:


A couple were arguing these past few weeks because of another girl.  


The guy then asked the girl out. He offered her 24 red rose and white rose upon fetching her at their house. He brought her to the seashore, there’s a bon fire which was set. They spent the night together singing their favorite songs. They waited and watched for the sunrise


The girl then asked…
‘is this your way of saying im sorry?


The guy replied
‘no … this is my way of saying goodbye’


HANKY 34:

 

You feel jealous yet you can’t complain. You can get hurt yet you can’t show it. You can love with your all yet you can’t say it.

All you can do is watch, keep the pain, enjoy the smiles, hugs and kisses then show how much that person means to you


HANKY 35:


The love you cant have….


Last as the longest


Feels the strongest


And hurts the MOST.


HANKY 36:

From ‘Greys Anatomy’ –

The worst disease in the world isn’t medical… ‘It’s being unwanted, unloved and uncared for.


We can cure physical diseases but
the only cure for despair is love.


There are those who are dying for a piece of bread, but many more

are dying for a piece of love.


HANKY 37:


Akala mo hindi ka niya mahal dahil mas pinili nyang maging magkaibigan na lang kayo….

pero ang hindi mo alam… higit ka niyang mahal

dahil pinili niya kung saan kayo mas magtatagal


HANKY 38:


In this world, it’s hard to tell who’s true and who’s not


People may be good at the beginning and be cruel in the end;


If you are too trusting,
they’ll take advantage of you;


if they know your weak,
they’ll hurt you;

after loving them,


HANKY 38:

 

 

Maybe it’s better if people just give up when there’s no point in fighting for something anymore. When the ship was finally sailed, only a fool would go after it when it’s already miles away.

 

It’s a lot better to be a fool to go after what we want and need, rather than to regret everything in the end because we never even tried.


HANKY 39:

We keep on sticking nto who we like, that’s why we never notice those who like us. Sometimes were dying for someone who doesn’t care, while somebody’s already dead trying to please us…


HANKY 40:


Ang puso parang rubix cube…


may susubok buuin pero susuko din…


may pipilit bumuo pero iiwan din…


pero may taong dadan at aayusin at pag nabuo na…bigla ulit sisirain.

fairy tales and ‘short’ comings


Its Valentines day…still single and no boyfriend, as I waited for my ‘failing’ internet connection to come back while listening to Tierney Suttons rendition of an immortal Gershwin classic ‘someone to watch over me’ with Buddy Childers Big Band when I happen to read one of the oldest text messages I tucked in my mobiles inbox

 

Why was snow white given an apple with poison?  To show that not all people that are kind to you are not really kind.   They might have some secret agenda against you.  Looks can be deceiving.

 

Why did Cinderella run away when the clock turned 12mn?  To remind us that everything has its limitations, even dreams!

 

Why did Ariel decide to exchange her fins with feet?  To show that anyone will try to lose ‘anything’ just to be happy.

 

So if you like these three fairy tales when you were still a kid, most likely, we are all fucked up in our future relationships since we don’t know how to decipher who would cheat on us at the end of the day.  We don’t know who could give us that ‘everlasting love’ since everyone keeps their best foot forward not unless they have been able to get what they want from you.

 

I have recently dated a guy whom I met in one of my favorite bars in Malate.  I introduced myself since I felt a slight ‘ump’ on the way he brings himself which I was easily smitten.  I thought, ‘what the heck? Let me give a try if he will respond’

 

Well, my guardian angel may have taken a pity on me as the said introduction leads to exchange of cell phone numbers and another date.  The second date maybe disaster as the evening reads its final chapter; my date found another ‘date’ and traded me with this newbie.  I was hurt and drove home feeling low and ugly.  Have you tried to drive Welcome Rotonda to Manila City Hall thrice in the wee hours of the morning? I do.  I was fuming mad by that time and I felt that the machine between my legs could ease out my pain.  Well, it works for me.

 

Well, i’m quite mushy and all so as he explain himself through text … I forgive and forget so we set the third date. 

 

Here are some excerpts of that conversation via text…

 

‘oo, gusto kita.  Pag gusto ko yung tao kailangan malaman ko hanggang saan ang hanganan niya.  Kung talagang gusto niya ako o mahal na niya ako dapat patunayan niya.’

 

‘alam mo bang naimpress ako sayo that time na nagalit ka, sabi ko napakatransparent  mo.  Kahit nung naghiwalay tayo sa malate and that’s a turn on.  Kaya no problem sa akin yun.  I like it that way’

 

‘hindi ah. Promise I was turned on that time.  natuwa pa nga ako eh.  Kasi naramdaman ko na you like me me talaga kasi pag hindi youll just say goodbye and ignore it.  I love transparent person kasi ayaw ko sa lahat ng nanghuhula.  Gusto ko nakikita ko para I know where to put myself.  You were upset that night right?’

 

obviously, I throw the hot cup of coffee that I haven’t tasted yet.  Sa sobrang inis ko, tinapon ko yun sa gutter and in return I burned myself. 

 

‘wala lang, ang totoo I want you to fight me back.  Tapos pilitin mo akong kunin sa kanya.  I mean convince mo ako na bakit kailangan kong sumama sayo pero sumuko ka aga. Sayang hehehe

 

what can you expect from a first date?  I don’t impose things to people.  Mas pangit naman ang dating kung first date pa lang ay nag-demand na ako.  I wont do that especially kung paerho pa tayong walang relasyon or obligasyon sa isat isa.

 

The third date was fine and I thought we have to bring the level a bit higher.  That night when I asked what he has on mind for the rest of the evening, he uttered ‘I plan to spend it with you’.  So based from those phrases, my heart give in and enter the ‘bed dimension’. 

 

Though that there are feelings of uncertainties if I have made the right decision, I asked the heavens above the next day if he is the guy for me then I would be willingly open thy arms and accept it.  I say to myself that I have to stop trying to find things na hindi kayang ibigay ng isa so I would have to accept the fact that he lacks certain qualities that I look for a partner.  At this point, I’m more than willing to accept his ‘short’ comings

 

And so I thought…

 

The day after, it seems that the wind has changed direction since I have not received any text from him.  The next day I have waited and texted him thrice asking why the sudden change.  But still, no response from Jules.  I tried to logically explain that he may not have a load or he is busy trying to find another job the days turns into a week.  A week has passed with no text messages.  I think when i’m writing this post, it’s close to two weeks with no contact.

 

Oh well, I think it is not meant to be.  Sayang Jules, i’m more than willing to make things work out pero i’m not up to another challenge that you are fond of giving.  I’m tired of games and I don’t want surprises.  I felt i’m like those characters on those fairy tales that kept their hopes up but in the end we have to face that behind the charming look lays a wolf .  I thought it was love pero hindi pala.  Well I guess, it’s the end for both of us … till the next journey.

WANTED: Boyfriend


Gays often surf the net for one purpose: finding a mate.  Almost everyone I know is trying to find the inevitable ‘better half’ (even guys who are committed are trying their luck as well).  I guess in cyberspace, you can be whoever you wanted to be.  We create a make believe persona – a persona who we would wanted to be if we have had the chance.

 

A make believe fantasy off from the pages of a magazine – macho, matikas, matangkad, dark, drop dead gorgeous, 6-pack abs, shiny white teeth, blue eyes, flawless, mala-Adonis na physique. 

 

Profile pictures were enhanced to its utmost aesthetic standard – from adobe to corel. We even pose neither tilted nor trying to show off our ‘tool’.  Guys who have the body show off their chest and abs and guys who have looks focus on their selling points.

 

ANG HIRAP MAGING BADING DI BA!

 

My straight friends often told me that being gay is FUN.  Well, hindi pa nila nararamdaman to live a life of a gay guy.  Mabuti pa ang straight – practical.  As long as they knew that the guy can give the life she dreamed of in the future, ok na.  But in the gay world, aside from the fact that you should be successful financially, you should also have jaw-dropping good looks and a body to die for.  Ang hanap talaga ay si SUPERMAN.

 

I’m now 29 and i am joining the 30’s bandwagon soon.  Maturity has been honed and age seems to be slapping my forehead.  My hair is thinning on top and my belly is earning a millimeter or two.  It’s hard to shed of those baby fats at this point of time as they seem to stay in your skin for the rest of your life.  In short, hindi ako yung tipo nila. 

 

Maliit.

 

Mahaba ang baba

 

Payat

 

Fanget

 

My tummy is bigger than my chest.  In short parang bubuli…

 

Hindi masyadong flawless

 

Unsuccessful

 

No money to show off

 

Hayyyy buhay!!!!  So I learned to admit the fact and try to embrace reality.  Having a lover, boyfriend, lifetime partner (whatever you may define it) ONLY belongs to cover boys and the rich guys.  For people like me, well mag-tiyaga na lang magmasid and mangarap.  So to fight the sadness I feel in my heart most especially in a rainy day like this, I admitted the fact that I may not have the relationship i have been longing for.

 

If only these guys could learn to see beyond the tapestry of aesthetics and look closely to thy heart.  A heart who would love them faithfully until that time comes when they are no longer beautiful or ‘delicious’ in the eye of their followers.  When they start to feel that gravity takes its toll and all their precious parts are falling one after another. 

 

A guy, like me, who will continue holding their hand till eternity,  A guy like me who would still feel the luckiest guy in the face of the earth every morning when you feel vulnerable.  Every morning wherein no additional frill, no perfume, no make-up and ONLY nature’s gift are plastered all over.

 

A guy, like me, who would look in thy eyes and utter ‘I love you’ even if a wrinkle starts to ruin thy pretty face.

 

This is me.  All of  me.

the most HEARTBREAKING text messages i have read … (series 3)


hello dear readers… here we go again as i list down ten new HEARTBREAKING messages that ihave collected in my mobile.  make sure you wipe those tears after…

HANKY 21:

Di ko na siya nahintay kasi napapagod na ko.

Ayoko nang masaktan kaya di ako aasa.

Ill try to move on pero babagalan ko para kung sakali magbago ang tibok ng puso nya…para mahabol pa niya ako.

HANKY 22:

It’s hard when you don’t know what causes your sadness.

But it’s even harder when you know what makes you sad…

but cant do anything about it

HANKY 23:

They say expecting is one way of hurting yourself but what if you have a reason expect?

Expecting doesn’t hurt you…assuming does.

HANKY 24:

Sometimes it’s scary to love a person with all of your heart & soul

and give them everything they want

because maybe someday…they’ll just leave you without any explanations

HANKY 25:

I guess to have you will never be and that I have to accept, even if it hurts me

but there’s one thing ill ask from you and hope you’ll grant it too,

will you let me love you ‘till I get over you?’

HANKY 26:

The greatest battle ever fought by anyone is the battle of love that cannot be yours…

no matter how strong your shield or how sharp your sword is, the bleeding cannot be prevented and the hurt will never be concealed…

For the wound of the heart will forever leave a scar that will remind you of a battle you never won.

HANKY 27:

Sometimes it’s much better for us to care than to love.

Cause when you care, you’re safe from losing the person you care for.

But when you love, you can lose everything you’re scared of losing.

HANKY 28:

I have always been a good person

I have followed all the rules throughout my existence.

A cheating heart has left a void in me which is hard to close.

Now I live my life carelessly, hurting people along the way

all this because I used to believe that someone will love me faithfully

I lived a lie and paid the price…now the world has to suffer because of me

HANKY 29:

NEVER break four things in your life:

  1. trust
  2. promise
  3. relationship
  4. heart

because when they break…

they dont make noise but they hurt a lot

HANKY 30:

when someone cheated on you, there’s only two questions that you can ask them

‘Did you forget that you are committed?

Or you remember, but you just didn’t care?

a so called ‘day-break’ suicidal note


 

 

 

It was early morning thursday when i arrived at Quezon City for my third appearance regarding a legal debacle that i am entwined with.  The accountant who would accompany me set the meeting around 7 because of ‘color coding’ (a mandataroy traffic rule which involves the last digit of a car plate).  So i arrived around 6:48AM and texted him that i just arrived at the venue.

 

As i sit quietly on a bench near a flag pole, i reflected on so many things. 

 

Bakit nangyayari it sa akin?  Bakit ako may ganitong problema?

 

As i look back, i cant presume im a super nice guy… but neither too evil to the point of a villainous character like Cruella Deville.

 

Mahirap palang magtiwala sa tao.  May mga kaibigan kang talagang iiwanan ka sa ere.  Kung maibabalik ko lang ang panahon, pipiliin ko na lang sigurong di ko siya nakilala.  In short, nakakapagsisi kung bakit naging kaibigan pa ang turing ko sa kanya.

 

Hindi rin naman ako ganon kasama para gawin niya sa akin ito.  In fact, kahit na ganito ako, marami naman akong naitulong sa kanila to the point na nakalimutan ko na ang sarili kong pamilya.

 

ahhhh pamilya……. sila ngayon ang umaalalay at tumutulong sa akin.  Ang ate ko….mahal na mahal ko.  kahit na minsan ay may mga di kami pinagkakaunawaan, she stays with me even on my most darkest hour.  My aunt, na pinangingilagan ko almost my entire life, who have been able to help me during this critical stages.  im quite ashamed of myself.

 

They dont deserve a person like me.

 

This coming sunday, i found out that we another aunt of mine has free tickets given by her ex-pat suitor for an air balloon lift in Clark Field Pampanga.  The ticket is up for grabs since she cant come.  I told my sister i would like to have the tickets.

 

a lot of things entered my imagination.  What will i do in the middle of the air?  Ito na ata ang tinatawag na ‘a story with a hundred folds’. 

 

What if…i jump from the balloon while 100 miles above the ground.  A period in my so-called life.  What will i leave behind? 

 

1. i will leave all the pin codes on all of my bank accounts to my sister.  i will list it down in my diary so she may be able to read some of my deepest and darkest secrets that i cant even write down on my online blog.

 

2. i will leave the full instructions to my sister for an event  that i have organized this february.  i just hope she will be able to survive a jungle that i have been living with for the past few years.

 

3. i will leave an authorization letter on all existing accounts i created so she may be able to use the funds when time comes.

 

4. ill shout at the top of my lungs before i plummeth on the ground with my head first.

 

5. ill call my crush (CJ) and tell him that i like him…of course before i jump.

 

6. ill bring a picture of my dog, my sister and my nieces para i could gaze on their faces while in mid-air.

 

7. ill ask for forgiveness from all the things i have done…to the people ive hurt, worked and lived with.

 

8. ill come back and haunt the people who had scarred me for life.

 

9. ill also shout the names of my parents and ask for forgiveness….

 

oooppsss…its time for me to go and time to park my pen.  till next time…if there are any

 

** orginally posted last February 7, 2008 from my old blog www.allanworld.i.ph