#openletter to #mama

May 22 2018. It’s your Nth birthday. Honestly I stop counting your age and the years when you finally say #goodbye. But I won’t forget your birthday until the day when I say “Hi Ma, kumusta?”

I stop myself in writing melodramatic messages yesterday, knowing that there are no #instagram, #facebook or any social media sites in heaven. It’s crazy, you can’t even read it so why bother. Instead, I kept myself busy. Trying to get through the day. But my plan is a huge #failure. Cause here I am, writing messages that you won’t be able to read.

I miss you Mama. Sobra! I miss talking to you every single day. Sometimes I caught myself counting the days and hours … wishing my day ends and looking forward to see you again. I miss you mama.

You’re the only person I could talk to about my frustrations and aspirations. I could run to whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only person I could be honest with my feelings. The only person who knew me inside out. The world may judge and throw things at me but I kept myself strong enough to keep me sane. Not everyone knew me and it’s a lonely place to live in. Sometimes I kept on thinking that I’m worthless with the things they say behind my back but I guess – this is what I deserve. This is my kind of hell.

Mama… I’m sorry if I had disappointed you in all aspects of my decision making. I know I’m not the son you wish you had. I’m a huge disappointment. I hate the fact that I can’t give you the grandchildren you dreamt of. I can’t even find a partner of my own who can love me of who and what I am. I guess this face .. a face that only mothers could love.

But I tried to be a better person. Even if I can’t face another day, I tried to wake up and fight for my everyday battle. My sister, niece and nephew may need me and I wanted to make sure that I’m strong enough when they run to me. I hide behind the mask. Behind it … I’m also trying to fight my own demons. I need help. I needed someone who could understand me and listen. Just simply listen to me. Mama… when will you knock on my door and bring me with you.

I miss you mama. I bought you a cake. I’ll eat the rest of it and cry in silence

Kevin Spacey is #comingout

Hooray for Sir Kevin Spacey and finally admitting that being “Gay is OK”

It may taken him at least 5 decades before he can finally embrace the powerful rainbow until he pulled out his guts and claimed to live freely. Though your #comingout story may have been worst in gay history as it is clouded by negativity, nevertheless as a #progay advocate- I still applaud your sincerity and the beauty that you left all through out your life and career


39. My new favorite number.

I never had an issue about my age. In fact I embrace it and never hide the fact that I’m getting a year older. Its like your favorite excuse for everything like asking for a seat from another senior in MRT. If I was given a chance to exchange every year with youth and beauty… I would gladly say “pass” for the opportunity. #wisdom over #vanity.

I seldom visit the church. But everyday, I say a little prayer. Being grateful that I had another day, another chance to mend my ways. Looking back on those years, I like what I become. It may not be what I dream of becoming but it’s not a bad plan B anyway. I guess when we started this journey, we set up a map on how to become on what we would like to be. But when we started to drive, a few bumps and life decisions has to be made – ultimately a choice between what is bad and not so bad. We arrive on each station a little different until we throw out the map and just glide through life.

#sentimental #life101 #lifejourney #birthdayboy #lifeasiknowit #livelovelaugh #inspire #inspirationalquotes #lifeasitis #inspiration

#redshoechronicle : un-charming experience at #DestinyCharm

Sometimes when we go through our news feeds and we found out that one establishment closes and re-opens with a new brand name… we can’t help but wonder, what makes it different this time. Mas maganda na ba ang services nila or ganun pa rin? Nag iba ba ng ambiance or pinaganda ba ang lugar? Bago na ba ang lahat pati na ang nag mamanage or same pa rin ang madadatnan mo?

I’m always OK with change as long you know what causes this change and your back for good and for the better.

This is the same reason why I tried Destiny Charm na dating Nature’s Spa. I didn’t tried their services before because of the bad reputation they left in the masseur industry but I’m willing to try it now granted that it was partly managed by Essensa based sa mga usapan ng mga bading at masahista. If I’m wrong… leave comments below so I rectify whatever I wrote.
Supposedly kasama ko dapat at isang Ka-fairy ko pero he backed-out last minute. I coordinated with Destiny through Facebook and they responded quickly with my inquiries. Im familiar with their roster granted some of them I’ve met from their previous spa that they worked for. One name that stands out is Jerome.

Betty Lafea ng friend ko so I ask if he is available on that date. Destiny said A big whooping YES so I made some reservations for my friend. Unfortunately on the day of the thrist… he backed out So I’m left with a reservation that I wanted to cancel.

I can still remember when Jerome used to work with Essensa. It’s a glimpse and acquaintances Lang naman granted he is either absent or late. I remember a friend who kept on booking him but he is huge no-show on the day of thrist. I’m not a huge fan but he left a thirst of curiosity on what makes him tick. Plus a co-fairy gave him a “riveting review” that makes it more delectable. But then again… he is not my cup of tea so I’m more than willing to let go of this booking.

But then again… the guy is on its way etc which makes it a hassle. Destiny is more than willing to cancel it but my values stand still. My mom raise me well so I pack my pink cape, my red shoes, a fist full of my fairy dust and I’m on my to Quezon City.

Punctuality 9 / 10

Nakarating ako sa Destiny ng mas maaga. I’m from The far flung area of Valenzuela so my time perspective is different from anyone else granted napakalayo na akong tahanan. I waited Siguro mga 20 minutes pero siyempre nalibang naman ako habang I got a personal tour of the spa.

Spa 9/10

Overall malinis naman. They made a few adjustments pero nandon pa rin yung mga bamboo trimmings. Sa second floor may dalawang room. Sa bawat room may tig-dalawang cubicles and each one has their own door for privacy. And the bed… Hindi siya mattress Lang na nilagay sa sahig. Elevated siya from the sahig. Good job dito ang Destiny since they opted that privacy be first priority.

Looks and hygiene 10/10

Jerome stands 5’10” or more. Kung tatantyahin mo…ang tindig nya parang pang basketball player ng mga paliga sa Barangay. He is good looking and makinis. Kahit naman ng NASA Kabilang spa pa siya… isa siya sa mga gwapong masseur kaya hindi naman katakataka na maraming nagkakandarapa sa kanya. Plus walang Amoy…. Kahit pawisan. Remember late siya and according sa kanya nagmadali pa siya ng lagay na yan. Wala na ang foul smell kaya “two thumbs up” si Jerome sa section na ito.

Attitude 8/10

Straight. That’s about it. He deals with me without the pizzaz and usual pakilig. He is polite but not the same thing I expected from a guy who claimed who got a lot of clientele.

Siguro pagod dahil nga daw nagmadali… pero still this is not what I expected. Naisip ko Tuloy… maybe walang siyang gana or di nya ako bet Kaya I felt na manliit a bit. Pero sandali… Kaya nga andito ako sa lugar na ito para ma-feel ko kahit paano na parang maganda ako sa paningin ng Mundo. I don’t think masseur realizes that gay guys like me visits this type of spa, not because of xtra service, but rather to feel beautiful and significant. Just for a few hours of our demanding life. Kang massage rin Lang… eh bakit ako magpapakahunghang sa mga papindot pindot na masahe. Eh di mag hire na Lang ako ng mga manang sa Barangay namin at panigurado ko garantisado ang masahe and Mura pa.

Massage 2/10

Sus… speaking of masahe. Isa Lang masasabi ko – unforgettable. Anu ba naman yan…

I know for a fact na matagal na siyang masahista. Nagsimula siya sa pink paradise then essensa and destiny. Siguro naman during this time … mas marunong na siyang mag masahe Hindi yung hagod patay and pindot pindot Lang. I mean… oo nga gwapo at matipuno si Jerome pero dyuskoday… ito ba ang babayaran kong 2.5

Pero sandali Hindi pa tapos ang session at Baka naman bumawi sa extra sevice

Extra 1/10

Pwede bang magmura. Hindi man Lang tinigasan at kesyo walang penetration at lip service. Sandali iba ata ang dinig ko dati. Hindi ba dapat kasama Ito sa serbisyong totoo. Sino nga pala yung may review tungkol sa kanya? Ito ba yung pinaglakaguluhan ng lahat? Sandali… ako Lang ba ang gumagalaw at Ano to Leila Delima.

Sa mga pagkakataong Ito… sobra akong nanlumo sa pinaka wala kong pera. Parang ako nalugi. I felt na ang panget panget ko which should not be the case. I stick to 2.5… nothing more. I think that is too much for a service na parang walang buhay. Kaya minsan di ako naniniwala sa mga patalent search ng mga sisters ko sa halagang pang suggested retail price. Kasi madalas may patong na.

Ako naman kasi willing naman akong magdagdag eh… Basta Ayos ang Serbisyo at lumabas akong may ngiti sa Labi.

Hindi rin naman ako tanga kaya wit akong babalik sa destiny. Ewan ko Lang sa iba pero with this type of service… Ano to walang orientation man Lang destiny. This is sooooo bad. Minsan kasi pag may ganitong isang masahista… panigurado the rest ay halos ganito rin ang service.

What happen next? The same night, I hopped sa malapit na spa which is essensa. Abangan….

#pride2017 : reminder to #gaymillenials – #RESPECT

Why do we celebrate #pridemonth ?
Hit back by asking “straight people should be thankful they don’t need one”. The #pride month roots back from the oppressive Civil Rights Movement. There were “Annual Reminder” marches as early as 1965, which were meant to be a public reminder that the #LGBT community didn’t enjoy the same basic civil rights as other people. But the watershed moment of the modern pride movement is widely considered the #Stonewall Riots. In the 1960s, due to laws prohibiting public sexuality, there were limited options for #queer folk and raids of #gay and #lesbian establishments were common.

During 80s and early 90s, the only local gay icon I know is Pacifica Falayfay. Dolphy’s iconic performance has ticked the Filipino gay character as #parlorista with a heart of gold. Though his moving performance has paved the way to bring #LGBTQ issues, there is more to #gaylife aside from what I see in theaters.

I stand strongly to my sexuality and if #millenialpink does not understand our #hugot due to”generation gap”… then let me simply say …
You won’t enjoy the #liberty to shout out your feelings to the world without the #thunderbeki who fought for you basic rights to #love and #expressyourself . #respect 

Nuff said.

#lgbt🌈 #lgbtpride #queerasfolk #labanbading #bading #bakla #shokla #rainbowbattle #rainbow #gaylife #gaypride #lovewins #baklaako #gaylifematters<<

Hoy besh… #malaya Ka na.  Wag Kang #humugot dyan as if maging kayo. #feelingera101

Walang sino man ang makapagsasabing alipin ka dahil ikaw ang may hawak ng sarili mong tadhana.  
Ikaw, higit kanino man ang makakapagsabi ng iyong kinabukasan. Hindi nakasalalay sa iilan at sa isang tao… kahit na siya pa ang lalake sa mga panaginip mo.
Ikaw Ay ikaw. #malaya
#happyindependenceday #pinoygay #kalayaan101 #hugot101 #singlegayguy #diaryofasinglegayguy 
🚹Raven Malubay-Jugueta Bermudez

#RedShoeChronicle : my virginal experience with #96Essensa

They say that “ you won’t forget your first time “.

There is always a #FirstTime in all aspects of life – first doll, first cupcake, first rose you got, traveling alone for the first time etc. heeeeeeep…. I know “lakas-maka-Virginia-Dimaculangan” ang dating ng intro nuh but it’s true-ly electrifying expialidotious experience when I met my first masseur at Essensa. Ayan ah…para ma-set na ang expectations nyo.

Anyhow, it was the Grand eyeball of #FairiesandFortress headed by the one and only –Miss Fierce. I won’t go to details regarding this eyeball and I might as well create a new blog entry kasi andaming kapupulutan ng aral sa pagkikitang yon… CHARRIIIING!

Fast forward… that night is set to attack the so-called #96Essensa dito sa may Quezon City. I have no idea about this so-called spa kaya pinapaubaya ko na Lang sa mga fairies kung san ako dadalhin ng mga paang Ito. 96Essensa is located @ 69 Kamias Road, Quezon City

It’s like a hole in the wall kinda location na Hindi mo Basta mapapansin lalo na sa umaga. It does have a small signage sa labas pero di naman ganun kaextravagant. Siguro kung madalas kang napapadaan dito lalo sa gabi or madaling araw… mapapansin mo Lang siya dahil maraming nakatambay na eye candy sa labas… hahahaha. Sa mga old school girls… you could get in touch through Landline +63 2 504 1464

The fairies has their own choices that night. Dahil nga birthday week ko naman kaya nagpaubaya na ang Ibang fairies nang piliin ko si Louie. I think he is the #StarMasseur for the said spa. Ika nga sought after dahil kabikabila ang mga bookings nya. This FR maybe “one-of-the” sa mga nag testimonial sa kanya plus highly recommended by “the queen” itself so I can’t help to “put my hands on him” ika nga ng infamous lines ng Essensa boys.

We were greeted by Mama Rey which is our main contact sa Essensa. They have several managers in Essensa pero ms madaling makagaanan ng loob si Rey. Mababait rin naman ang iba pero I like him kasi masiyahin and very honest on how he approach his clients. Walang drama… walang pasikot sikot!

Until I saw him…. Awwwww…. Ang gwapo naman pala sa personal. Kinilig ng bahagya ang kiffy ko. Slight lang friends… tee hee.

When Rey finally introduced me to Louie… I guess parang nag gosh ako ng slight at medyo namula ang mala porselana kong kutis. Para akong si Kim Chiu ang peg. Biglang nag slow motion ang paligid tas ang camera lens nagfocus sa mukha kong mala anghel. Medyo blurred ang paligid para kitang kita ang emotion sa mata kong nangungusap. May pahawi ng hair sa tenga ng slight Lang naman tas biglang blush sa pisngi kasi nga mala porselana ang kutis ko then biglang umawit ang matamyos na theme sone “ikaw na ba si Mr. Right… ikaw na ba ang lab of my layp? Ikaw na ba ang icing sa cupcake ko?”

Para akong hihimatayin sa kilig… eeep sandali naiihi ako literal.

Tatlong palapag ang Essensa. But I think May isa pang palapag na Hindi ko pa na explore. Isa palang ang kilala kong fairy na nakagamit ng ika-apat na glorya pero di ko muna reveal ang name ng masseur na itey. Sa third floor, it has four cubicles. Pagpasok mo may foam na nakalatag sa wooden floor and tanging manipis na kurtina ang nagsisilbing pinto sa parisukat na langit. Makinis and well maintained ang bawat cubicle.

Louie politely asked for permission. Sabi nya maghahanda daw muna siya. I nodded and gave him a sweet smile. Parang teen edyer Lang and sabay sabi sa pinaka manipis kong boses “ok…. Ill wait. Take your time pow”. Wooooooow. Wish you could hear me, Panigurado Baka binatukan mo ako dahil sobra akong sweet eh.

While waiting… nag imbestiga muna ako and tumingin tingin sa paligid. Over all… Makinis naman. Lawanit ang dingding ng cubicles kaya maririnig ang mga halinghing sa kabilang kwarto. No foul smell so far taliwas sa mga review sa FR. Ang banyo…Malinis naman. Sana nga Lang may mga sabon sa lahat ng palapag hahaha.

 Yung and bang fairies like Maxine occupies the other room.  She got Jason that night while Another fairy – Renzo got Miguel.

Oops… got to get back. Baka dumating na si Prince Charming.

“Sir… sorry napatagal” wika niya na super sincere

Unti unti akong tumingin sa kanya and Me likey ….. isang malaking LUNOK!

He is wearing just his undies. He is not muscular based on my standards but wooooooow…. His sex appeal spilled over his cup.

Simula na po tayo sir”… awww music to my ears

ATTITUDE 9/10 – sooooo polite. I don’t know if age shows or that’s how he communicate with his client but the guy is sooo polite. Probably that’s how they were brought up by their handlers. I don’t know if it’s superficial but I guess it’s nice to have these type of demeanor.

LOOKS 9/10 – if this guy will start to go to the gym and be serious with his program, he will snagged the clients of other masseurs. Did I not described how much I ogle right in front of him when I was first introduced to him. Damn it… my libido rising. Maybe because of those tattoos that gives him so much personality. Why 9 if obviously I want to bring him home for keeps… because there is still room for improvement. He can start building those muscles so he will be the best amongst the rest.

TOOL 7/10. – come on guys. We’re talking about the size of his manhood. For me, it’s average. Wait… I know kung anong gusto nyong sabihin… Hindi ako #SizeQueen! Grabe ang mga judgemental sa Mundo. Hindi pa tapos ang review kaya hintayin nyo performance rate card ko.

MASSAGE 6/10- hmmm…. I was sooo infatuated feeling ko nga ako si Kim Chiu that I did not look forward sa massage part. Don’t get me wrong … I did avail the massage granted kasama siya sa binayaran kong package. I won’t miss it for any reason dahil yun nga ang pinunta ko sa Essensa- magpamasahe above everything else bago ako makipaglampungan. His massage is technical, nothing out of the box. I did ask for hard strokes and though he can’t do it well, at least nandun yung effort nya. Nothing so spectacular about the massage part kaya nga wala akong mashare maxado. But the massage was tooo short based on the agreed time. Just saying…
I did used this time para ma kilala ko siya ng lubusan.  Interview session…ilabas si Tito Boy.  I learned kung san siya nag aaral, his family background…so sweet kid.  Naantig ang PUSO ko kasi Lukas naman talaga akong mabait at maunawain… CHAROT! 

ES 10/10 – the transition from ES and massage was a bit abrupt. He got to go tinkle kasi kaya I know it is coming. I read a lot of His FR from a site so I know most likely what I will expect out from him. Ika nga I came prepared …

When he get back.. I think nag shower siya muna ng onti. Ngumangalot ako ng mentors by that time and I swear nararamdaman ko ang kuntil ko na medyo na excite hehehehhe.

Sir…pwede bang humingi nyan…” while pointing sa mentos na hawak ko.

“Sure” sabay abot.

After taking at least two mentos… he slowly kisses me. Awwwwww dyusmiyo Marya katilpo! Very fresh ang breath ni kuya. Mentos pa more. (Segway lang: I know his reviews about his breath etc but on my encounter with him. Did not smell anything. Well yes… thanks to mentos which probably works for his favor…. But come on guys. Who wants to kill his mojo?)

He slowly caress my nape, my neck and back to paradise. Torrid kissing to the max which is one of my favorite sa menu. He will let you feel that you’re the only person in the world. I feel that I’m the queen and he is my soldier more than willing to give his all … nasaan ang king ate! Dyusmiyo wag mo munang hanapin yung hari, mas bata mas masarap hahahaha.

He slowly pull out the condom. Ako na ang unti unting nagsuot sa kanya. Pinaliguan ko ng KY jelly and I’m sooo ready to bring it on. Ahhhhhh…

Pusan gala. Awwwwww…. I can feel it. How he moves… gently then fierce. Ano nga pala name ko? Shet I forgot! Did I not mention that he is average… but how he uses his tool is incredible. He knows his material well and I’ve got to say… alleluia!

DAMAGE: average is Php 2500 which includes spa fee. But since he performs well, I added additional 500. Pero parang deep within, he deserves more… so I added an additional Php700. Kill me. Throw stones at me but he deserves what I gave him monetarily.

REHIRE….HUGE YES. So if you’ll drop by essensa, don’t forget his name Louie… ohhhhh Louie