#openletter to #mama

May 22 2018. It’s your Nth birthday. Honestly I stop counting your age and the years when you finally say #goodbye. But I won’t forget your birthday until the day when I say “Hi Ma, kumusta?”

I stop myself in writing melodramatic messages yesterday, knowing that there are no #instagram, #facebook or any social media sites in heaven. It’s crazy, you can’t even read it so why bother. Instead, I kept myself busy. Trying to get through the day. But my plan is a huge #failure. Cause here I am, writing messages that you won’t be able to read.

I miss you Mama. Sobra! I miss talking to you every single day. Sometimes I caught myself counting the days and hours … wishing my day ends and looking forward to see you again. I miss you mama.

You’re the only person I could talk to about my frustrations and aspirations. I could run to whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only person I could be honest with my feelings. The only person who knew me inside out. The world may judge and throw things at me but I kept myself strong enough to keep me sane. Not everyone knew me and it’s a lonely place to live in. Sometimes I kept on thinking that I’m worthless with the things they say behind my back but I guess – this is what I deserve. This is my kind of hell.

Mama… I’m sorry if I had disappointed you in all aspects of my decision making. I know I’m not the son you wish you had. I’m a huge disappointment. I hate the fact that I can’t give you the grandchildren you dreamt of. I can’t even find a partner of my own who can love me of who and what I am. I guess this face .. a face that only mothers could love.

But I tried to be a better person. Even if I can’t face another day, I tried to wake up and fight for my everyday battle. My sister, niece and nephew may need me and I wanted to make sure that I’m strong enough when they run to me. I hide behind the mask. Behind it … I’m also trying to fight my own demons. I need help. I needed someone who could understand me and listen. Just simply listen to me. Mama… when will you knock on my door and bring me with you.

I miss you mama. I bought you a cake. I’ll eat the rest of it and cry in silence

Kevin Spacey is #comingout

Hooray for Sir Kevin Spacey and finally admitting that being “Gay is OK”

It may taken him at least 5 decades before he can finally embrace the powerful rainbow until he pulled out his guts and claimed to live freely. Though your #comingout story may have been worst in gay history as it is clouded by negativity, nevertheless as a #progay advocate- I still applaud your sincerity and the beauty that you left all through out your life and career


39. My new favorite number.

I never had an issue about my age. In fact I embrace it and never hide the fact that I’m getting a year older. Its like your favorite excuse for everything like asking for a seat from another senior in MRT. If I was given a chance to exchange every year with youth and beauty… I would gladly say “pass” for the opportunity. #wisdom over #vanity.

I seldom visit the church. But everyday, I say a little prayer. Being grateful that I had another day, another chance to mend my ways. Looking back on those years, I like what I become. It may not be what I dream of becoming but it’s not a bad plan B anyway. I guess when we started this journey, we set up a map on how to become on what we would like to be. But when we started to drive, a few bumps and life decisions has to be made – ultimately a choice between what is bad and not so bad. We arrive on each station a little different until we throw out the map and just glide through life.

#sentimental #life101 #lifejourney #birthdayboy #lifeasiknowit #livelovelaugh #inspire #inspirationalquotes #lifeasitis #inspiration

#pride2017 : reminder to #gaymillenials – #RESPECT

Why do we celebrate #pridemonth ?
Hit back by asking “straight people should be thankful they don’t need one”. The #pride month roots back from the oppressive Civil Rights Movement. There were “Annual Reminder” marches as early as 1965, which were meant to be a public reminder that the #LGBT community didn’t enjoy the same basic civil rights as other people. But the watershed moment of the modern pride movement is widely considered the #Stonewall Riots. In the 1960s, due to laws prohibiting public sexuality, there were limited options for #queer folk and raids of #gay and #lesbian establishments were common.

During 80s and early 90s, the only local gay icon I know is Pacifica Falayfay. Dolphy’s iconic performance has ticked the Filipino gay character as #parlorista with a heart of gold. Though his moving performance has paved the way to bring #LGBTQ issues, there is more to #gaylife aside from what I see in theaters.

I stand strongly to my sexuality and if #millenialpink does not understand our #hugot due to”generation gap”… then let me simply say …
You won’t enjoy the #liberty to shout out your feelings to the world without the #thunderbeki who fought for you basic rights to #love and #expressyourself . #respect 

Nuff said.

#lgbt🌈 #lgbtpride #queerasfolk #labanbading #bading #bakla #shokla #rainbowbattle #rainbow #gaylife #gaypride #lovewins #baklaako #gaylifematters<<

#RedShoeChronicle: Xtraordinary Xian of #96Essensa

Word of the day… #surprised!

I have a few guys left on my list up for a review but I opt to create a review for this guy first. So lemme start by saying #LifeisFullofSurprises

It’s another essensa night for the Fortress group led by the one and only Ms. Fierce. But of course this night won’t be possible without the detailed planning of her majesty. So each fairies pick their bet and coordinated with the event POC which is Khaye of Essensa. I pick a guy named Zander. Nakita ko na siya ng una kong punta sa Essensa and quickly planned to pick him pagbalik namin after Louis and Jarred. So it was one week of day dreaming and fantasies while doodling his name to mine…. High school Lang ang peg. There were days na gusto mo n Lang matapos para makadaupang palad mo na ang man of your dreams. Of course can’t deny the fact na nag research rin ako on how he performs so I psyched myself on his weakness versus my expectations. Ganun ko siya pinaghandaan. 

Until the fateful evening come… wala siya!  


Khaye explained na may binili or sinundo Lang siya. So ok… smile Lang muna. Pa sweet muna… medyo kinakabahan. I have friends and willing to wait naman po…. Parang Kumain Ka Lang sa a howling ang peg. I’ll just enjoy the company of friends while waiting. 

Lumalalim na ang gabi… wala pa rin Zander. So follow up uli…  

Isa pang follow up dahil tapos na ang first batch ng mga fairies… sweet akong nag follow up. Wala pa ring hanapin…

Ava Maria santisima… anong oras na… Asan na??? I can almost hear myself sa kulit which I personally don’t like.

Khaye can’t give me a straight answer so she opted to suggest another guy named JOJO. 

I’m not totally sold to it… I need other head! 

Then I started to talk to Rey of essensa. He quickly responded and suggested Xian instead. Me as a picky customer, parang kilalang kilala na ako ni Mama Rey. Sabi nya “kanina pa kita na obserbahan and lahat ng mga nakuha mo sa mga Alaga ko. Kanina ng nagsuggest sila pero kita sa mukha mo na Hindi bet. Hindi ako mapapahiya Kay Xian bet…. The best yan” 

I was ready to retire and surrender that night. I was being pressured to pick a guy. Are these my choices? Gusto ko ng umuwi… papa can you see me? Papa can you hear me? I’m sooo ready to blurt a song of sorrow. 

Finally made a decision.. “sige mother, si Xian na lang po.” I can’t even pronounce his name right. Argghhhhh! 

 I was singing “body and soul” by Billie Holiday. I was counting each stairs. Mabigat ang loob… 

“My heart is sad and loneeellllyyyyy…”. I retired to the fact that this will be a huge disaster. I pity my masseur kasi I surrendered to the fact that I won’t be satisfied. 

He was polite naman. He showed me the room and I simply nodded. “Noooooooo this is not me. Sobrang tahimik ko.” Nagpaalam muna siya na punta muna siyang CR. So I prepared na lang and waited for him. 

Looks/body 8/10 – the guy is a cutie pie. Come to think of it… even if I was sooo psyched to meet Zander intimately. He has clear skin and no foul odor at all. Super maalaga siya kasi Ivan still remember he has this bagpack during the deed. Sobrang handa siya and he even has this sweet and musky perfume that he wore that sets the mood. A bit of a chubby side siya… some will appreciate this physique. Me…Tama lang kasi I’m more of sa abs…. it’s a fantasy that I can’t whisk it.

Attitude 10/10 – very polite. I know it was in the wee hours of the morning when I finally decided to pick him but he was all smiles pa rin when we thread our way to the room. Very respectful and he got few jokes up his pocket na mapapatawa Ka. He is a great catch.

Massage 10/10 – I was laying flat until he came wearing his briefs. Good job… handa na si kuya. Malapit na mag umaga kaya Baka nagmamadali na. He politely asked kung hard ba or moderate…. I quipped “hard to moderate”. Though medyo maliit ang physical attributes ko.. I’m picky pagdating sa massage dahil mataas ang tolerance level ko. I guess Im a huge fan of massage so I know if ginawang chess board ang likod ko because of sloppy technique.  

Dito nagpakilala si Xian. 

Grabe ang hagod and massage. He knows what he is doing and he made me feel that I’m a Goddess. Napaungol na Lang ako sa sobrang sarap. Every strokes are well calculated and he knows kung nasaan ang mga pressure. He did not say a word which I do appreciate. Some masseur are too chatty trying sell their wares. He doesn’t. He will show what a good massage is. He also do a combination and stretched my tired and stressed muscles to oblivion. Napa sheeeettt Lang ako! And grabeeee napatunog nya rin ang likod ko. Normally, im too hesitant with this technique kasi its detrimental dun sa receiver especially kung Hindi marunong ang gagawa. He did it well… akala ko may bago akong likod. Sobrang ansarap. I have lower back pains kaya sometimes it’s too hard for me to sit. After massage, it seems na parang nagdahilan lang dahil nawala yung pain. Until now while, I’m writing this blog entry… walang unan or whatsoever to support my lower back. Ang gaan gaan ng feeling. Plus yung mga lamig ko sa likod na sobrang laki na at parang holen… pinuntirya nya. Yup medyo masakit habang dinudurog nya kasi nararamdaman ko eh pero he did it well. Ang gaan sa loob.  

I would rate him 10/10. If may tataas pa… dun ako. 

Tool 8/10. A bit average for my taste. I know…please don’t throw stones at me. Its just my opinion but he does use his tool very well 

ES 10/10. You will never regret it. It’s wild and amazing.   

“Sir umpishan ko na ba?” 

Ito ang mga katagang nang gising sa akin…medyo nakaidlip na ako dahil sa sobrang sarap ang masahe. “Ay oo sige…” 

Dito na ako pinatikim ng langit…. Super wild. Super torrid kissing. I thought mawawalan ako ng hininga. He devoured me with those sweet soft lips. He slowly caress my neck with his lips…slowly but passionately. I could feel every kisses… ahhhhhh. No words to describe. 

Then he asked me to give him a blow job. He was clenching my head, begging me for more. I swear I don’t mind loosing some hair kung Ganito naman kasarap.  

Then he slowly slip the rubber and slip into me…. Oh gawwwddd  

I can feel his tool and though it’s average for me… he knows how to use it. I was moaning too loud by that time and I was extra happy. I don’t care … I felt I’m a hentai porno queen ready to explode at anytime.   

Damage: 2500 all in since this is the minimum rate of th spa but added another 500 for a job well done. 

REHIRE. Oh yes… anytime. Anyday and any way. For inquiries pls look for Rey of Essensa 09266581730

#RedShoeChronicle presents: A sort of an unfortunate event at #PinkParadise with Romnick

His name is Romnick.  Reminiscent of the 80’s heartthrob Romnick Sarmenta who gained popularity through a love team with Sheryl Cruz that popularized fantasy films from a local film outfit which includes dwarfs, magic and fairytales while singing “pa-tweetums nail biting cheeky melody” that even the scariest tattooed kanto boy will just simply utter “eeeeeeeeewwwwwww”.

“Mr. Dreamboy… Mr. Dreamboooooooy”

It was my first meet-up with the head mistress of a local FB group that aptly titled “fairies and fortress”.  Details on my succeeding post, it was one delightful evening comparing notes with some of the most eligible bachelors in the metro seeking the same adventure.  

Fast forward.

It’s time for me to pick my masseur.   It’s my first time sa Pink Paradise so hindi ko kabisado ang mga masseur. I have my eyes on a chinito fair skinned guy but he is sick by that time therefore he is off the market that evening.  Mga 10 to 15 ang mga otokong nakikita ko na parot parito waiting for their respective clients. Then all of a sudden, the 5 feet ish guy run in the middle of the room trying catch a friend. 

Woooop!  He is just wearing a pink Calvin Klein boxer brief that showcases most of his assets – his bubble butt.   I can’t help staring at those deliciously cheeky butt.  I just have to know his name.   “Mama Orly… Ano name Nya?” Pabulong kong tanong with devilish smile.


I swear, muntik na akong natawa sa harapan ng handler nya but i kept those malicious giggles to myself.  I kept a mental note of his name so when the time comes that I need to choose, his name will easily pop up.  Well, how would you forget a probinsyano nickname anyway.

Then came Ms. Fierce and two more members of Fairies and fortress.  “Siya si Jason and Daniel” pakilala ni Ms. fierce. 

Daniel quickly quipped “pare…” In a very manly voice then suddenly “ang Inang Mariposa” almost mimicking Dolphy’s potrayal of Markova. Laugh!

Small chat… Getting to know each other then comes the fun part of officially picking your masseur.  The boys are all lined-up In the “aquarium”.  Ms. Fierce and Jason had their reservations and I just have to pick mine.  I gazed through the glass, parang pumipili ng candy bar.  May super sweet, black chocolate, branded, local etc.  honestly, im not happy with the line-up granted that two of the good looking masseurs are reserved.  Though it was not a popular decision, I still pick Romnick.

Looks 7/10 – cutie pie naman si Romnick.  Pakatitigan mo lang ng matagal.   Ika nga sabi ng mga sosyal “his charms grows in you“.  Twinkish and not my usual type.  He has nice set of teeth and smiles a lot.

Attitude 7/10 – mabait, he giggles…a lot and  mahilig gumamit ng “po” at “opo” which will often reminds you of your age gap. Laugh!

Hygiene 10/10 – no foul odor.  

Massage 4/10. Pag sinabing spa, ang unang unang pumapasok sa brain cells ko ay “massage”.  So ito ang una Kong requirement if I visit a spa.   Romnick ask me to lay down so we can start the ordeal.  Then….


Tiningnan ko siya. He was waiting for me. #nganga

Medyo nagspark ang mga little vessels ko sa utak sabay tanong… “San mo ba gustong magsimula?”  Just to keep the ball rolling.  “Kayo po…

Pumitik na naman ang mga brain cells ko.  Usually kasi, if you go to a spa, may mga diskarte na kasi ang mga Massuer kung San sila magsisimula.  Ang tanging itatanong Lang nila na may kaunting lambing ay “hard o moderate po ba ser? Hard f*@k or karinyong ba bagong Kasal?

So I asked him to start with the legs since I’m feeling a bit tight on my lower calves due to several days of squatting then asked him to finish with my back but make sure to focus on the lower back since this has always been my weakness.

I ask for hard strokes granted my tolerance level for massage is a bit higher than anyone has expected granted I have small frame.  I won’t settle for moderate stroke as it does not entice me at all.  He did tried it but I guess his hands are not yet made out of such strokes.  His hands are a wee bit smaller from other masseurs I delt with.  But with my vast knowledge of massage and masseurs, regardless if barkada kayo ni Frodo Baggins, nasa diskarte yan pagdating sa masahe. Pero effort naman si kuya dahil siguro medyo nakita nyang nag-Amor Powers ang mga kilay ko.

Remember under attitude… I wrote down “he giggles…a lot”.  Well, that part kinda irritates me.  Read on.

Comes the linggam part… Parang sinusundot nya Lang yung betlog ko.  Then he giggles.   As if parang bata na he tries to poke one or two tapos biglang tatawa na parang kinikilig na nanloloko.  Anu akala Nya sa betlog ko…. Sawsaw suka, mahuli Taya!  Yung nararamdaman kong kaunting libog, parang nagevaporate.   This kinda irritates me but of course medyo pasweet pa rin ang tanong ko sa bata “bakit Ka natatawa?  May nakakatawa ba?

He stopped.  Siguro ramdam Nya na ngayon na si Maleficent pala ang minamasahe Nya.  Medyo nanhimik na Lang ako.

ES 8/10 – nagpaaalam muna siya para mag CR.  But I’m no longer expecting fireworks or ecstasy dahil medyo nana as na nga Ako.  So when he came back, he has the audacity to ask  “game na po ba…”

Dyusmiyo marya katilpo!

Anu ba nakuha ko… High school?!

Wala man lang kaunting paglalambing.  Puro “tee hee” ata ang narinig ko.

At this point, I just stared at him… Very subtle, halos pabulong when I endearly uttered “Ano pa nga ba dapat ang gawin mo?

Siguro ngayon medyo randam na ni kuya na medyo Inis na Ako.  Dito na siya bumawi.  Torrid kiss ba kamo…. Wow!  He becomes a man by that quick second.  Devouring my pinkish lips to his universe.  Sucking my entire galaxy with his playful tongue.  Ohhhhhhh!

It lasted for I don’t know how long.  I just kept my eyes close for a little longer than I expected.  Then when I opened my eyes, he was staring at me.  As if  I’m the only queen in the universe.

Tongue to tongue. Ohhhhhhhhh I can’t help it! 

Then he pulled out the condom and slowly pulled out the condom.  He slowly slip his manhood to my universe.  Slowly…passionately.  Gawd…. I think I heard Whitney sung her eponymous song “I’m every woman”.  Thrusting every inch. 

His juice spilled over me. Flowing through my skin. I can feel it’s warmth. Then soon enough I let go of my own. 

Pero wait…. Hindi Yata Ako nasubo ng Tama.  

Huli na nang malaman ko na it should be included on his menu.  I tried during the ordeal to point him on that direction but there is a bit of hesitation.  Eto pa naman ang favorite ko sa buffet

Damage –  I paid Mama Orly Php 1500.00.  That’s minimum.  I wast honking on giving him a tip pero I did not fully enjoyed my experience.  Sa Ibang masseur n Lang Ako babawi 

Will I hire him again?  Big NO.  Probably once the stars aligned and it’s a full moon….I may hire him for the ES part but he needs to improve his massage skills.  Otherwise, he will just be another guy whose main credibility is that piece of meat dangling between his legs.

#FBhottie: one hot candidate – Janjep Carlos for #MrGayWorldPhilippines2016

I’m one of the followers of Janjep Carlos even before he joined Mr. Gay World Philippines.  Yup… I don’t care what others may say but I’m one of those gay guys who adores him.

A property consultant, entrepreneur, actor, model and Demi-God all rolled into one.   It’s too obvious why a low-life like me adore such.  Match with his partner in life which is equally deserving with the Demi-God title.  

Hailed from the city of Cavite, Janjep shows his drop dead gorgeous body with ease and confidence.  But aside from his almost perfect to-die for biceps which I hope and dreamt of that someday I’ll have, has too much to offer.  

He is the only guy I know who never get petrified in showing his love and affection to his partner.  In fact, most of his post shows his admiration and compelling love to the guy “who completes him”.  But others tend to shy away from such notion assuming public scrutiny.

His love to his partner also shows his undying love to his family and friends. Most of his post shows his grand reunion with his brothers and parents.  His abundance was offered and shared with friends and coworkers.  He lives the life he choose and never in a million has he shied away from his gender.

So beyond his good looks and ever flawless blemish free skin, he reigns supreme to other candidates as he shows his reality amidst homophobia on local communities.  Some may raise their eyebrows on me but he deserves the title.  He inspires everyone to strive and work hard… Isn’t why we hold such pageants?  Not just to look good in front of the camera but rather serve as an inspiration to others.

Mr. Gay World Phillipines will be held live at UP THEATER, this coming October 2, Sunday 8pm. Tickets @ 300/500 (availability TBA). 
#MGWP online voting is officially up.. Please vote for Janjep as he leads the competition and early favorite of netizens. Kindly click this link and hit the blue “VOTE”

Mr. Gay World Philippines 2016



I can still read your name on my right arm… they are all healed but i can still see the marks

Its like yesterday when i scribbled your name
Swearing why it hurts
Asking GOD why i love thee

Blood runs through my veins
The blood drips on the floor
The blade hums my endearing love

But time heals all wounds
Its true
Now its just a white mark
But my heart still has to heal thyself

I know in time ill get over you
My heart is still dripping with blood
Can i move on.

One tiny step
One last breath
One more chance

There is another guy in the #shower… what would you do Mr. #showerhead ?


Manila Philippines

Its as hot as hell!  Three showers in one day but still the lingering heat succumbs my entire body.  Its as if we are on the finger tips of the sun and we cant do anything about it.

Speaking of shower… what if you found another guy right in your shower room? Just askin if he can take a bath since Maynilad pestered their homes with some cranky trouble shooting with their main pipes.  What would you do if he invited you to have a shower with him “to save water”?  Like sleezy script off from a porno… LOL

Send your comments below and amaze me…







#summer wont be the same without these #hunks

Photo by Francis Balgos

I bet you are preparing for a long vacation.  Here in the Philippines… we look forward for holy week.  Its 2-days off work starting Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.

I know we Filipinos have an uncanny way of celebrating such holy festivity as we hit the beach and swimming pools with the skimpiest bathing suits ever.  But this is the longest holiday ever in a year.

Dont forget to bring your man candies on your tiny pink purse because i know ill do