IM IN LOVE…and i hate this feeling.
i’m not used to it and i am afraid that if ill continue with this ‘nonsense‘ i may not be able to control myself.
he is a new guy from work and from the first time i saw him, i can’t control myself. i’ve got to know him and i need to know his cellphone number. So even if my co-workers are not accustomed of my ‘aggressive’ nature, i immediately asked for his digits. he then responded that ill be the one to give my number and he will text me once he got home. i rushed to pick a tissue off from my pocket and wrote down my cell number and at the back of my head, hoping he will stay true to his words.but, i guess, luck failed to knock on my doorsteps that day. he never texted back.
i anticipated his ‘smile’ on the next day but someone told me that his training already begun so chances are, if he passed, i would see him after 3 to 4 months.
i consider the fact that ‘im rejected’ and i may no longer able to see him again.
about two weeks ago, a familiar smile has passed by me. i may have forgotten him since i have been able to mend a tiny bump in my heart. after writing the most current ‘the art of letting go’ series, i finally realized that my heart is healed.
he said ‘ hey, your AJ right?’
at first, i did’nt recognized him. i casually answered ‘yes… i am…’ i was thinking that i may have had sent a feedback to this agent that’s why he is asking my name. darn, i forgot to bring my pink batton. i have nothing on my hand to defend myself. well, i could always scream like hell… so bring it on. i’m on my fighting mode by that time then….
he said ‘do you still remember me? you gave me your number…’
finally, the little machines inside my head finally started to turn and my heart misses a beat. i just simply said ‘aahh… yes. i know. you didnt texted back. i get it. you dont need to worry. im over it. see you’
the nerve of these guy. i finally moved on. he just came back to blow the bubble i have created. im vulnerable…again. FCUK!
but i cant resist his smile. his charm that sweeps me off my feet. the eyes that shows hope and sincerity but then, it seems he is hiding a certain sadness that i cant place my wet finger. who can resist? im just human… so i give in.
he does explained why he lost my number and he immediately asked it once again. now, we are text buddies … as a coworker and a friend. he said he is straight and shows all signs that im just a friend. he actually has a crush on one of my girl friends. arrrggghhhhhh!!!!!
yup im hurt and thats why i wanted to end this nasty feeling …fast. I need to get off and snap out of it before i loose my wits