‘Convenience’ is the word that defines the modern day living. We thrive for simplicity of life with the complexities modern day living brings.
Here are a few examples.
BEFORE, we communicate through conversations then to hand-written letters sent to love ones from a nearby town.
Kings and Queens use the written language for memorandum or a new law, invitation for parties (remember how Cinderella were informed of the Prince BIG party at the palace… “Hear Ye! Hear Ye!”) and even people who were hunted by law with gold coins on their head once captured (pretty much the same today.. hehe! ).
Then the first Christmas card were created…
Then telephones to internet
From cyberspace then pagers to mobile phones – communication right at your finger tips.
Things had never been the same. And the common need of any individuals on the 20th century has changed drastically.
We had ATM’s rather going to the bank.
We have convenient stores on every corner of our street….
‘Convenience’ has been written everywhere
But what may have positively applied for advanced way of life CANNOT be applied to relationships.
It was hard hitting news as I ponder on the restroom while taking my daily ‘poop’. (Yup, I ponder a lot on those minutes when ‘nature calls’ and magically, it lightens up my load and my head…as if I have released the worlds answer to depression).
Once you were an ‘X’, and we retain the so-called ‘friendship’, I just cant help but wonder, am I another ‘convenient buddy either for sex or a partner’ for a so called ‘X’?
I’m like Sherlock Holmes, trying to unravel a mysterious scenario at the ole mystery creek.
After the break-up, me and Mike (Kho Lim) still text once in awhile. He is still inviting me through movies, but of course not because I am trying to avoid him, but because December is a mud slide of schedules.
Then, another invitation followed. Wherein Ill get to meet his friends in Rockwell where they will have little get-together. Since I cannot be able to go to point A from point B, I bargained for a meet-up in Malate. But I guess it was all mixed-up since we are both waiting for each others text.
Then a call this Christmas wishing he was with me. Missing me…. Sweet! ( I almost forgot that I have had dated a writer)
I started to ask questions which was bugging me for several days, why is he still inviting me with his friends when in fact we are no longer in a relationship?
He replied that he wants me to meet his friends.
Then a slew of small voices led me to ask ‘Pero bakit nung last birthday ko….you never even stayed for just a minute. You just popped and excuse yourself because you still have a job to do (even though its past 12 midnight….).’
You told me because we are no longer a couple and broke up 6 days before my birthday.
Then, with the given facts, ‘then im in no obligation to come to your invitation since we are no longer a couple.’
An awkward silence….
‘Inaaway mo na naman ako…parati mo na lang akong inaaway’ he mumbles in the phone.
Maybe, half truth but its just not fair. Then with the guilty thoughts bobbing over my head, tried to divert the conversation to other things. The one lead to another, then he finally say that he has a hard-on.
Then finally I bid goodbye and hang-up…hang-up for good.
I mean, have you ever been on the other side of the phone, you just desperately wanted to make things work but in the slew of everything…it just boils down to one thing…sex.
I have never entered relationship because the guy knew how to ‘touch’ me intimately in ooohh-so many ways. But because I connected and the possibility of spending my day and nights with him … forever.
I maybe a flirt but at least if just wanted sex to someone else…I define it right from the start. Though that we have started on a one night stand then grew out to be a couple, it doesn’t permit anyone to define me as a ‘sex machine’.
If he is just a one night stand…I wont be asking him to text me back. A small hello will do but no response coming from me.
and i wont be writing this post over again with the same man on context if I don’t have any feelings for him.
Angry…maybe… i hate myself for keeping up this kind of scenarios where I kept on repeating my mistakes. The ‘over-positive-guy-who-always-look-on-the-good-side-of-everyone-that-maybe-he-has-a-feeling-to-me’ kind of guy.
Why do I keep on beating myself even if I’m already on the ground, already sweating with blood?
‘so what’s the glory in living
does’nt anybody ever stay together anymore
and if love never last forever… tell me
what ‘forever’ is for?’
I’m willing to give this last relationship another chance. But I do hate to admit that I MAY have been wasting a lot of my time to a guy who don’t know how to push the right buttons emotionally.
The story of my life…always ending up with the wrong guy.