piggy back ride with “boyfie”

its what we call piggy back ride.

Normally, we see this between a father and his son while having fun at the park or in a pool.  Often, straight men and women does this occasionally while strolling on their favorite avenue where they first met.  At times, we see a guy carrying a girl on his back during rainy days especially if she does not want her new prada shoes to be ruined by the flood.  In Korea and Thailand, the most romantic scenes are often portrayed during the ‘piggy back’ sequence.  I bet you remember this scenes:

Hit Korea-novela Kim SamSoon
a scene from “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” starring Mario Maurer

but how about a guy carrying another guy on his back.

a guy from work posted a picture on his FB and he tagged it “Boyfie”.  

and they say they are just “friends” – as in GOOD FRIENDS

Im smelling something “fishy”

yeah they are friends, like the guys i posted below:

WANTED: Boyfriend

Gays often surf the net for one purpose: finding a mate.  Almost everyone I know is trying to find the inevitable ‘better half’ (even guys who are committed are trying their luck as well).  I guess in cyberspace, you can be whoever you wanted to be.  We create a make believe persona – a persona who we would wanted to be if we have had the chance.


A make believe fantasy off from the pages of a magazine – macho, matikas, matangkad, dark, drop dead gorgeous, 6-pack abs, shiny white teeth, blue eyes, flawless, mala-Adonis na physique. 


Profile pictures were enhanced to its utmost aesthetic standard – from adobe to corel. We even pose neither tilted nor trying to show off our ‘tool’.  Guys who have the body show off their chest and abs and guys who have looks focus on their selling points.




My straight friends often told me that being gay is FUN.  Well, hindi pa nila nararamdaman to live a life of a gay guy.  Mabuti pa ang straight – practical.  As long as they knew that the guy can give the life she dreamed of in the future, ok na.  But in the gay world, aside from the fact that you should be successful financially, you should also have jaw-dropping good looks and a body to die for.  Ang hanap talaga ay si SUPERMAN.


I’m now 29 and i am joining the 30’s bandwagon soon.  Maturity has been honed and age seems to be slapping my forehead.  My hair is thinning on top and my belly is earning a millimeter or two.  It’s hard to shed of those baby fats at this point of time as they seem to stay in your skin for the rest of your life.  In short, hindi ako yung tipo nila. 




Mahaba ang baba






My tummy is bigger than my chest.  In short parang bubuli…


Hindi masyadong flawless




No money to show off


Hayyyy buhay!!!!  So I learned to admit the fact and try to embrace reality.  Having a lover, boyfriend, lifetime partner (whatever you may define it) ONLY belongs to cover boys and the rich guys.  For people like me, well mag-tiyaga na lang magmasid and mangarap.  So to fight the sadness I feel in my heart most especially in a rainy day like this, I admitted the fact that I may not have the relationship i have been longing for.


If only these guys could learn to see beyond the tapestry of aesthetics and look closely to thy heart.  A heart who would love them faithfully until that time comes when they are no longer beautiful or ‘delicious’ in the eye of their followers.  When they start to feel that gravity takes its toll and all their precious parts are falling one after another. 


A guy, like me, who will continue holding their hand till eternity,  A guy like me who would still feel the luckiest guy in the face of the earth every morning when you feel vulnerable.  Every morning wherein no additional frill, no perfume, no make-up and ONLY nature’s gift are plastered all over.


A guy, like me, who would look in thy eyes and utter ‘I love you’ even if a wrinkle starts to ruin thy pretty face.


This is me.  All of  me.

guidelines in finding TRUE LOVE (part 2)


since its the LOVE month, let me share the 2nd series of ‘guidelines in finding TRUE LOVE’.  i hope that you would also enjoy this post as much as you enjoyed the first one.

enjoy and let’s fall in LOVE….

GUIDE 11: 

If we fall in love because someone makes us laugh, what happens when we no longer find them funny? 

If we fall in love because someone beautiful, what happens when that beauty fades? 

If we fall in love because someone can provide for us, what happens when they lose their wealth? 

Because LOVE defies all known reasons. 

When you truly love someone, you can’t just find a reason.

You just do.


GUIDE 12: 

If you love someone, never hesitate to show what you feel, just follow your heart.

Never waste your time, never fear, nor doubt, never quit…nor stop.  But never expect in return. 


Don’t be afraid to become stupid.  Just love, be real.  You might get hurt, but you must not give up. 


Just live your life, love the way you want.  Never get tired.  Stay alive to love. And stay in love to live.  Till you learn to let go, till you learn to set free. And to always stay happy.


GUIDE 13:  They say that those relationships which were formed just right after a very short time of courting are untrue and not just.  I say…you don’t have to eat an entire cake just to know if it tastes good


GUIDE 14:  We don’t look for love because it’s lonely to be watching movies alone… because its sad to eat meals on your own…because its nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days.


We look for love because we want to be accepted.  For the sloppy way we dress…for the clumsy way we eat our meals, for bad hair days and for simplicity in us. 


Love is an act of acceptance, that with all our imperfections, we are accepted and loved


GUIDE 15: Always remember that you can never find a perfect partner to love you the way you wanted.  Only a person who’se willing to love you more than what you are.  Someone who’ll accept you for what you can and can’t be and that’s even better than perfect.



GUIDE 16: The one person who deserves you is the one who will stick by your side no matter how much you mess up and the one who will forgive you…mistake after mistake



Love is not everyday ‘cause it will be boring. 

Its not all the candy treats, might give you a sore throat. 

Its not laughter all the time or you’ll get hiccups. 

Mostly love is not all the time, sometimes it’s a diamond. 

Love with everything you will be, with all that you are not.


GUIDE 18: You can tell if that person is someone special,

Because no matter what kind of mood you are in

He can always manage to make you smile


GUIDE 19: You will NEVER be good enough for everybody…

But this is for sure, you are THE BEST for someone who really appreciate you.

10 qualities of a ‘great’ boyfriend


a guy who could sweep me off my feet



During my hazy days of passing forwarded messages, a friend of mine texted TEN QUALITIES OF A GREAT BOYFRIEND.  Things that an idealistic girl formulated in her head and make it ‘the standard in finding a mate’. 



It’s a TOUGH LIST … and some may be debatable but nevertheless, let me just share it with you… and if you have any violent or any thoughts you may want to share, please feel free to write your comments




1. Will always make time for you

2. Respect all your ideas and decisions

3. talks to you about serious stuff

4. treat your friends really well

5. lets you make up your own mind

6. comfort you when you really need someone

7. always remember special days

8. occasionally do something really romantic

9. love you for who you are and often tell you that!

10. know when to leave you alone and give you space.


But come to think of it…do we really need this list? 


The journey to love is hard enough to travel, let alone, setting a ‘standards list’ as straight girls tried to find ‘a perfect husband’.

the X convenience


‘Convenience’ is the word that defines the modern day living.  We thrive for simplicity of life with the complexities modern day living brings.


Here are a few examples.


BEFORE, we communicate through conversations then to hand-written letters sent to love ones from a nearby town. 


Kings and Queens use the written language for memorandum or a new law, invitation for parties (remember how Cinderella were informed of the Prince BIG party at the palace… “Hear Ye! Hear Ye!”) and even people who were hunted by law with gold coins on their head once captured (pretty much the same today.. hehe! ). 


Then the first Christmas card were created…


Then telephones to internet


From cyberspace then pagers to mobile phones – communication right at your finger tips.




Things had never been the same.  And the common need of any individuals on the 20th century has changed drastically. 


We had ATM’s rather going to the bank. 


We have convenient stores on every corner of our street….


‘Convenience’ has been written everywhere


But what may have positively applied for advanced way of life CANNOT be applied to relationships.


It was hard hitting news as I ponder on the restroom while taking my daily ‘poop’.  (Yup, I ponder a lot on those minutes when ‘nature calls’ and magically, it lightens up my load and my head…as if I have released the worlds answer to depression).


Once you were an ‘X’, and we retain the so-called ‘friendship’, I just cant help but wonder, am I another ‘convenient buddy either for sex or a partner’ for a so called ‘X’?


I’m like Sherlock Holmes, trying to unravel a mysterious scenario at the ole mystery creek.


After the break-up, me and Mike (Kho Lim) still text once in awhile.  He is still inviting me through movies, but of course not because I am trying to avoid him, but because December is a mud slide of schedules. 


Then, another invitation followed.  Wherein Ill get to meet his friends in Rockwell where they will have little get-together.  Since I cannot be able to go to point A from point B, I bargained for a meet-up in Malate.  But I guess it was all mixed-up since we are both waiting for each others text. 


Then a call this Christmas wishing he was with me.  Missing me….  Sweet!  ( I almost forgot that I have had dated a writer)




I started to ask questions which was bugging me for several days, why is he still inviting me with his friends when in fact we are no longer in a relationship? 


He replied that he wants me to meet his friends.


Then a slew of small voices led me to ask ‘Pero bakit nung last birthday ko….you never even stayed for just a minute.  You just popped and excuse yourself because you still have a job to do (even though its past 12 midnight….).’


You told me because we are no longer a couple and broke up 6 days before my birthday.


Then, with the given facts, ‘then im in no obligation to come to your invitation since we are no longer a couple.’


An awkward silence….


‘Inaaway mo na naman ako…parati mo na lang akong inaaway’ he mumbles in the phone.


Maybe, half truth but its just not fair.  Then with the guilty thoughts bobbing over my head, tried to divert the conversation to other things.  The one lead to another, then he finally say that he has a hard-on. 


Then finally I bid goodbye and hang-up…hang-up for good.


I mean, have you ever been on the other side of the phone, you just desperately wanted to make things work but in the slew of everything…it just boils down to one thing…sex.


I have never entered relationship because the guy knew how to ‘touch’ me intimately in ooohh-so many ways. But because I connected and the possibility of spending my day and nights with him … forever.


I maybe  a flirt but at least if just wanted sex to someone else…I define it right from the start.  Though that we have started on a one night stand then grew out to be a couple, it doesn’t permit anyone to define me as a ‘sex machine’.


If he is just a one night stand…I wont be asking him to text me back.  A small hello will do but no response coming from me.


and i wont be writing this post over again with the same man on context if I don’t have any feelings for him.


Angry…maybe… i hate myself for keeping up this kind of scenarios where I kept on repeating my mistakes.  The ‘over-positive-guy-who-always-look-on-the-good-side-of-everyone-that-maybe-he-has-a-feeling-to-me’ kind of guy.


Why do I keep on beating myself even if I’m already on the ground, already sweating with blood?


‘so what’s the glory in living


does’nt anybody ever stay together anymore


and if love never last forever… tell me


what ‘forever’ is for?’




I’m willing to give this last relationship another chance.  But I do hate to admit that I MAY have been wasting a lot of my time to a guy who don’t know how to push the right buttons emotionally.


The story of my life…always ending up with the wrong guy.