I MISS MY PARENTS on Christmas Day

I MISS MY PARENTS every Christmas season.

Though that everyone had a smile on their face and the world around us magically turned into fantasy, i just cant help but feel somehow empty. I lost my father December 16.  The day we usually mark as the first day of  ‘Simbang Gabi’.  While my beloved mother passed away on Christmas morning (December 25).

Sad but its true,  Its been several years since i lost them but the hurt still lingers.  What does a gay guy gonna do?  Well, i bet if anyone knew why i prefer working on Christmas day after knowing the fact that i lost my parents on ‘the most wonderful time of the year‘ may eliminate the fact that i’m following the footsteps of Uncle Scrooge.

How did i survive all these years? honestly, i don’t know.  Anyway, i don’t want to rain on your parade. Let me just share one of my favorite Christmas carol sung by Judy Garland.  This song never fails to inspire.  Its melody slowly touches me deep within … and warm thy poor cold heart.

the magic of christmas

Christmas is literally just around the corner…

 

at first, im sort on ‘denial’ since i cant feel the upcoming holiday season.  i can almost compare my childhood days when the christmas spirit starts kicking immediately after the halloween.  more than a month of preparation, a fully trimmed christmas tree and little kids starts banging on your doorstep for a few shilling.  The cold december wind chills from morning till night and the a local store in the city who gave free shows of animatronic mannequins is in full swing.  Christmas songs are played mixed with the regular radio list and people are starting to fill in malls, trying to avoid the mad Christmas rush.  Ahhhh….christmas is truly one magical season indeed.

 

but now…oh well…its a lot different.

 

as soon as i wake up this morning.  one of my nieces are trying to tie a sort of a sock like image near our doorstep.  she has probably snipped some images while i am sleeping.  bones, bells, angels…all neatly hanging as the wind playfully sways each cut-out colored papers.

 

i asked her…‘whats this vanessa?’

 

surprised with my huge booming voice, she slowly turns her head and simply say…‘its christmas uncle allan’

 

ALAS….my little angel feels that our house needs a little christmas spirit which i have long forgotten to pull up decorations.  life has truly changed for me.  since the passing of my mom and dad on the month of december, i forgot the old guy in red suit and his elves, mistletoes and silver bells.

 

i instantly gave my niece a smile and asked her…‘would you like to have a christmas tree to decorate?’

 

her face lights up and excitedly exclaimed ‘ YES UNCLE ALLAN!’

 

i immediatley pull up my shorts and rushed to a nearby market to  buy a 3ft christmas tree and its decorations.  i also bought 2 CD’s of christmas songs to brighten up our holidays.

 

as my nieces gladly decorate the tree, i come to realized that the holiday season still needs to be celebrated.  my nieces, for them, Christmas is one magical season that we need to celebrate – complete with red socks hanging by the wall, fully trimmed christmas trees and dancing lights.  no matter what i feel, for kids, its a time to be merry and sharing the season to our love one – no matter how tough our lives are.

 

 

** orginally posted last December, 2007 from my old blog www.allanworld.i.ph